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Back to work diaries – 5 weeks done

return to work diaryBefore I came back someone told me that week three would be the worst week – looking back from the lofty position of 5 weeks back to work I think I have to agree

The third week was not a good week – I got tired, I got properly poorly and had to come home from work early for the first time ever (and that includes 3 HG pregnancies….) and various internal political things had started to get me down

I still feel as if I am groping back towards being fluent in talking ‘business’ again – I find myself staring in wonder at colleagues as they glibly cobble together phrases of utter rubbish to weave an appearance of knowing what they are talking about – I’ve no idea when I’ll find myself able to do that sort of thing again.  Perhaps, like speaking French, it’ll be something I used to be good at and can’t ever re-capture

The greatest achievement is that I am, just, managing to pump enough to keep Littlest in milk – he’s about to turn 6 months and he’s still exclusively breastfed.  I know I won’t get a pat on the back or a medal but exclusively breastfeeding, despite all the pumping, carrying on for this long feels like something I should be slightly proud of.  My aim is to carry on for much longer – I think I pumped for Bigger for every feed until she was 9 months and I was certainly still pumping day feeds for Littler at 10 months.  Who knows?  Most things are a bit hazy at the moment

In some ways work is getting better, I’m getting used to my boss’s quirks and am getting used to navigating the place.  In some ways it is getting worse, the drip drip drip of assumptions that I’m still on maternity leave (no people I’m here and I have been here for a month… do try and keep up) or that having a baby has somehow wiped out my contribution last year are hard to cope with.  I don’t want to kick up a fuss but I don’t feel as if I’ve been treated terribly well

I had had plans to see if I could take advantage of things being quieter here to take more time off over the summer – that plan looks like it’ll have to be scrapped because a new project has come in.  Just typical and makes the logistics harder

But I’ve done the first month back, I haven’t cried infront of anyone in the office (I don’t count crying on the train and in my car) and I’ve managed to do my work and keep going – it can only get easier now, I’m getting used to it, Littlest is getting used to it and we’re doing ok

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3 comments to Back to work diaries – 5 weeks done

  • Emma

    You are a super star! Breastfeeding at all is great but under such difficult circumstances most people would have given up. I am in awe.

  • You should get a pat on the back- you’re amazing! I would never have managed bf at work- amazing lady! And it’s so great to read posts like yours from working mothers when I’m on the eve of returning- thank you! Xx

  • Tim

    It sounds like you’re doing really well at the things that matter. Everything else? Mere window dressing. Keep going!

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