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Life feels as if it is on fast forward

All 3 summer 2014 One minute ago I had only 1 tiny baby, now I have 3 children and none of them is a tiny baby anymore

Suddenly, almost without my noticing, time has zipped away and taken with it moments that I wish I could somehow have banked to have in 10 / 20 / 30 years

It may just be my failing memory but those cute things they did seem to have flitted away – yes I have tried to savour the moments, to sit and to remember but…

I’ve tried not to always be behind a camera recording but instead to be there and to be experiencing that exact moment but perhaps it would have been better to try and record more so at least I can look back and there is something concrete to remind me

Seconds ago I had my first tiny baby snuggled up next to me, now she is as tall as my chest, is this articulate, engaging whole little human being and as I try and look back it is like watching my life on fast reverse – where did all those moments go?

Sometime in the last month when I wasn’t looking Littler has sprung up into a taller, more independent (yes apparently there are wider seams of independence for her to mine), more grown up little girl – she’s no longer even got the ghost of her baby-ness around her.  One moment she was not dry at night, the next she had decided that she was and she’s been in knickers and dry ever since (we’ll gloss over the new pack of pull ups I’d just bought…).  She’s grown out of saying ‘ex-snooze-me’ and her hair has suddenly grown longer as she has grown taller and skinnier.  And I never even noticed it happen

Even Littlest is living with life on fast forward – one moment he was a tiny baby, now he’s nearly 10 kilos, rolling and trying to sit up.  There are teeth, solid food and moving on the horizon and it feels as if we’ve sped through those early months so so fast

I stupidly thought that when my abbreviated maternity leave finished the sense of time flying past at a rate of knots would ease away and life would return to a normal pace

I was wrong, instead the week plods along with those few hours I have with them at home dashing away super fast.  I want nights to be longer, to somehow squeeze in enough time with all 3 and to get enough rest to wake up feeling something other than exhausted

The weekends pass in mere minutes

One moment it is Friday night and we are wrestling with homework (all you need is a unicorn and some hen’s teeth to make this fun activity….) and, almost before I have blinked, it is Sunday evening and I’m sterilising pump and bottles and trying to make sure I have removed the baby stuff from my handbag

I wish there was a pause button, a way to get hold of a time turner, a way to make this time longer so I could savour it more.  Admittedly I’d rather not savour the 8.30am weekly team meetings but you get the drift

I’m hoping for a decent break in the summer and a chance to slow everything down – so much is happening so fast and I need time, precious time to try and desperately grab hold of some of it, any of it, before it has all passed and I’ve not even got proper memories filed away

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2 Comments

  1. When I feel like this I have to remind myself that hindsight is a wonderful thing. I wish I could have banked more memories but when you’re in the thick of it all it’s easier said than done! Other than recording every moment of their lives, there’s no way to remember everything or conjure up particular feelings again – no matter how hard you may try to. However, I do find that wonderful things I thought I’d forgotten flood back to me in unexpected moments of clarity. I truly believe all the most important memories are filed – it’s just a case of remembering where you filed them!

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  2. At least you have a bank of memories filed away on the blog to look back on. I occasionally flick back through my own archives to a time when Isaac wasn’t a giant beanpole of a six-year-old and the other two were, well, smaller. It’s a reminder to enjoy the moments while they last – there’s never enough time to spend with them, so we do what we can.

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