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Overly anxious?

I’m fairly certain that you are supposed to be super relaxed and laid back with a third baby – you’ve been there, done it and this time around you know that babies have cleverly evolved to survive (why else would their cries be like scratching nails down a blackboard?) and childhood amnesia means your beloved offspring won’t remember your more epic parenting fails in the first few years of their life

In the distant past, before of all of what my mother calls ‘The Troubles‘, I think I was fairly laid back with Littlest – admittedly I’d managed to forget an awful lot about how to look after a newborn but they’re not terribly demanding at that stage and just need a clean bum, a full tum and preferably a nice warm body to sleep on

I’m not sure if it was the result of knowing that a bunch of people have sat in a room with two police officers debating whether we are an immediate threat to our children, the fairly intrusive investigations or discovering that Littlest has a reasonably rare and unpleasant condition

Whatever is the root of the problem I am finding that I am far, far more anxious as a parent now than I have been at any stage in the last 6 years of parenting

I’ve always prided myself on not being a helicopter parent, on the fact that I encourage them to be adventurous and that bumps and bruises are greeted with a ‘brush yourself off’ and perhaps an application of cold peas and pink cream

I’m struggling, really struggling to carry on with that now – I can visualise the threats all around us.  I can almost imagine bad things happen to them each time I see them doing something and I am having to resist the urge to wrap them in cotton wool and not let them anywhere

It isn’t a fear that if there really is a bruise then we might get dragged into all of the horrors again (except this time for an actual bruise) but more that I want to protect them from everything, I couldn’t protect them against all of what we’ve been through and the a more natural worry given that the prognosis for Littlest is that it won’t get better, just progressively worse from this point on

I wish I could wind the clock back

I wish I could stop feeling so much fear

I wish that we had just been left alone and weren’t still having to deal with the fallout

I wish I knew when it would all be back to normal

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2 comments to Overly anxious?

  • Aw Hannah I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and can’t just enjoy your beautiful little man. It must be heartbreaking for you, I really hope it all eases for you soon. Big hugs and kisses to you all xx

  • I’m not surprised that, with all you’ve been through, you’re anxious. Give yourself time. And seek help if you need to.

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