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Still in limbo

2nd January – should be posting about looking forward into 2014, about plans, about aspirations – instead we are still in limbo, my time horizon is hours and days and I cannot seem to look much further forward than When Will This Baby Arrive?

Today is a milestone is his lateness – I am back at work full time 5 months today

Every day he doesn’t arrive now is really eating into my maternity leave – 10% has already gone without a baby – every day is going to make heading back to the office, away from him for 12+ hours a day harder.  In less than 4 months I have work commitments I have agreed to go in for

I’m stuck in a loop of being unable to move on from this

It makes me cry – lots –  it makes me so utterly sad that I won’t get these days with him and I’m struggling to think about much more than that despite knowing that it does no good to obsess about something I can do nothing about

I am heartily sick of going to bed each night only to wake up still pregnant the next morning

I am heartily sick of the hours of fierce braxton hicks that never turn into anything more useful

I am heartily sick of trying to stay positive, trying to not be rude to people who ask if the baby has arrived yet, of the jokes about how some things are outside of my control (you don’t say…) and not being able to get on with life

I am sick of being in limbo

And yet part of me is committed to letting him come when he is good and ready, irrespective of having been ready for him for a fortnight now (typical of Littler in so many ways to throw a spanner in by being early and to set all of our expectations upside down I guess) – we have gone through being ready and out the other side, I’m sick of keeping the place clean and tidy, we’ve eaten all the biscuits and I’ve had to make 2nd batches.  At this rate the midwives will be lucky to get a value pack of bourbon biscuits when they turn out…

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8 comments to Still in limbo

  • All I can do is send virtual hugs and positive labour thoughts. It is hard playing the waiting game; I’ve done it twice and the first time when all my NCT friends were popping out their babies left right and centre was so frustrating – I may perhaps have been discovered sulking in bed declaring I wasn’t leaving it until the baby came!!

  • Aaaarrrrghghghgh…

    You did ask for suggestions in a previous post, and so I’ll throw one into the mix. Reflexology totally worked for me. Tried acupuncture for subsequent pregnancy – less successful, though people do swear by it.

    Otherwise, I’d just say that the baby is teaching you who is in charge, right from the off.

    Looking forward to seeing pic of baby very soon!

  • Such a hard place to be in, especially with your ever-present awareness of work commitments. I am so frustrated for you! I really hope you can find a way to relax as letting go seems the way to kick these things off – sulking in bed sounds like just the thing!

  • Candace

    Sex! I recommend having some sex to get the labor going. And they say lots of walking helps. But don’t fret about missing time with your baby. You are closer to each other right now than you will ever be again, and right now you aren’t having to change the diapers so it’s a double win. Best wishes for a trouble-free delivery!

  • Also, every day the baby doesn’t come, is a day that his birthday will be differentiated from Christmas in years to come. Much better to have a birthday a few days into January, than all mixed up with Christmas and New Year. He’s got a plan!

  • Oh poor you, the waiting is torture and I can imagine even worse because you are already on countdown back to work. All of mine except one were very late, I think the longest was 11 days (I should remember this shouldn’t I but sadly I can’t) I drank raspberry leaf tea by the gallon but unfortunately they will only come when ready unless there is intervention, and I definitely didn’t want that. Good luck with it all! X

  • Tim

    Hang in there! Our third was 19 days late in the end and circumstances dictated an unplanned hospital rather than home birth.

    I know, I know, it’s easy to say that when you’re not the one with the bump – but keep in the front of your mind why you’re doing this and the tales you will be able to tell your friends afterwards. I’m still dining out on the events surrounding our three: being snowed in nearly two weeks overdue, me delivering our middle child myself on our living room rug (it did not survive the experience – the rug, I mean, not the child) and my mad 120mph dash to hospital for the last one. I can smile about each of those now, at least … 🙂

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