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Looking back on 2013

I didn’t blog really very much in 2013 – too much other stuff going on and taking up the space in my head and squeezing the words away, but there are posts there which chart what a year it has been

Just looking back at this time last year things couldn’t be more different – then we had decided that it was time to stop trying to have another baby.  Reluctantly I had realised that I couldn’t put myself, my family, my friends through the wringer of losing another pregnancy – the toll had just got far too much and we needed to draw a line under that part of our life and focus on enjoying the family we have and not a bunch of dreams and hopes

It wasn’t an easy decision, it wasn’t even one that my heart fully accepted was absolutely what we should be doing but it was the right one.  Reading back over the post I wrote after I’d spent a day sorting through the baby and maternity things is hard, I remember how painful it was to physically get rid of all of that

I suspect that the slump I had afterwards was a reaction to all that emotion – the next few months I was tired, angry, and very unhappy – a return to full time work probably didn’t help much but has actually been the right decision.  Working full time is in some ways much easier than working part time and I probably have more flexibility around my working patterns as a full time employee than I did at 80%

What I hadn’t realised at this time was that Mother Nature is a cynical old bag – I was tired and hormonal because I was unexpectedly and wonderfully and scarily pregnant with Baby3.  Just when we had moved on we were lucky enough to be given a chance of a surprise, miracle baby – it’s fair to say that nothing really prepares you for the news you are having a baby after having been effectively told that there is no chance

And the second half of the year has been dominated by that pregnancy – a pregnancy that has been, once we were able to stop worrying that it would end in miscarriage again or some of the issues we had with Littler, has been relatively enjoyable if rather surreal

Sitting here today, a year on, I am still staggered that I am actually pregnant (and more than a little emotional that I am still pregnant, I really was hoping he would get the hint and arrive but apparently this baby has his own view of the world) – still incredibly grateful and still desperately worried that something might still go wrong.  I can’t wait for him to arrive and hold him (and I think, judging by the messages, there’s a rather large number of other people who can’t wait for him to arrive… thinking of running a sweepstake on when he actually does)

Around all of that I have sporadically managed to blog about the issues that I’ve been thinking about and the mishmash that makes up my life – work, family, cooking, making things

So that was 2013 – thank you to everyone who has read this blog, knowing that there are people who live inside my computer has helped me get through some of the really scary parts of this year and I can’t express my gratitude enough

I look forward to 2014 but more of that later

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