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This all feels slightly surreal

bump 38 weeksIn my head if I think about it I do know that I am 38 weeks pregnant and that today is my last day at work for a couple of months – the only problem is that I still surprise myself when I look in the mirror and see a heavily pregnant lady (where did that bump come from?) and I still haven’t really processed that I am not coming into work on Monday and, at some point in the next month, we are going to have another baby

I don’t know if this is all linked into the fact that for a very long time we didn’t really allow ourselves to hope that this pregnancy might end up with an actual baby at the end of it and that attitude hasn’t ever really left me – there is a big part of me that can’t really believe that this is going to end up with this much hoped for miracle baby arriving

I also suspect it has something to do with having kept this pregnancy fairly well hidden from work (and work is such a big part of my life) – in some ways this has been the shortest pregnancy ever, it’s only 3 months and a bit since I ‘came out’ and I’ve been working fairly full out since then

Whatever the case, it feels incredibly strange to be finally handing over work today – I’ve written pages of handover notes (have a horrid niggling feeling I have forgotten something terribly important), have set up an out of office, forwarded my phone and cleared most things off my desk (not everything, I’m working on the basis that if I’m coming back in a few months I can leave some things on my desk to remind people I exist)

I suspect next week is going to be very strange – detoxing from work whilst trying to focus on getting ready for Christmas and a baby. I’m hoping for time to focus on a bit of knitting, a whole lot of cooking and family time

Actually if I’m being really honest I’m hoping for plenty of sleep (naps!) and for some fairies to come and tidy the house and do Christmas for me

I guess the countdown has begun – at some point in the next month life is going to throw us onto a new rollercoaster and that’s both really really exciting and incredibly daunting at the same time

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