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In search of silver linings

I’m finding it hard at the moment – on paper having a low risk pregnancy should mean that life is all blue skies and joys – in many ways of course it is, am not struggling with the fear of what might happen next every single minute of the day, but it isn’t all plain sailing

There’s a part of me that seems to be living this pregnancy in parallel with last time around – that each milestone we pass (hello 28 weeks! WONDERFUL to meet you!) reminds me of how things were last time, awakens memories that have been buried for an awfully long time and forces me to deal with them

And that I guess is partly a silver lining – that thanks to this little boy bump I am able to go back and heal some of the legacy of Littler’s pregnancy

There’s a lot going on at the moment – there’s a lot of things that aren’t quite working out how we had hoped they would but I am going to try and new thing for a new week, to try and find the silver lining in each of them instead of wallowing in worries

If that doesn’t work I’m either going to go and hide under my duvet for a week or just bury my head in the sand and pretend that none of it is happening… because I reckon part of being a grown up is about being able to sometimes not act as a grown up

My irritable uterus continues to be grumpy – this time around at least we know what to expect but it doesn’t stop the worry when it decides to throw a grump. With a silver lining hat on this grumpiness does remind me when I need to take it easier – I’m fairly sure that today’s grump was triggered by a little too much weed pulling yesterday. It is a reminder that I need to slow down, to not try and do everything and to accept that not everything will get done to my timetable – things will get done eventually or not, full stop

My maternity leave plans may not be what I would choose in an ideal world – instead of getting tearful every time I face the prospect of being back at work late next Spring I need to focus on the time I will have at home and the fact it is easier for us both if I go back sooner. Obviously all of this planning is going to be helped if he arrives on time *stern look at bump*

Mr M’s job hunt is still going on – it’s hard, all I want to do is wave a magic wand and sort this out but I can’t no matter how much I want to. But it does mean that he is getting to spend time with the girls – other friends have said that getting this bonus time with their children between jobs was a wonderful time they now look back on – hopefully it’ll be the same for him. If nothing comes up before Christmas then we are lucky enough to have the chance to spend Baby3’s early days all together without work getting in the way and pulling us in different directions – that has to be a good thing to focus on

And there is Christmas – instead of getting stymied in a loop of but we don’t know when things will happen we are starting to make plans, we are starting to get things in the diary and to come up with what might work, accepting that all of these plans might need to be tweaked nearer the time but that at least we aren’t disrupting Christmas for everyone

Teeny tiny steps towards the right mind set? I don’t know but perhaps the first tentative beginnings of a way out of my wallow

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