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It is funny that when we were going through all the troubles when I was pregnant with Littler we felt very alone – isolated in the tunnel of ‘will we get through this ok’

It is only recently that I’ve realised that the ripples from what we were going through extended a long way – as if our problems were a drop in the ocean that bumped outwards touching many other people

My parents recently had a summer party and invited all the usual people – godparents, family friends, neighbours – the people that form that wide circle of not-quite-family but those people who have known you for decades and been part of your life and your life events

This pregnancy has been strange to me – watching the milestones pass that I remember clearly waiting for last time around – it’s only now that I’m beginning to embrace the bump, the process, the fact that all of this means we are expecting a little boy in 4 months

But this pregnancy has also been strange for other people – I hadn’t realised how many other people were quietly worrying about us and this baby, who were there hoping that THIS TIME it would all be better, easier, happier

Greeting old friends and having them ask ‘are you ok? is the baby ok?’ brought it home to me that they too had been through those horrid months of worry when I was stuck in my bed, that they had seen what it had meant to us, to my family and that they had been part of that awful time.  And seeing their joy when I said we were good, he is perfect, everything is as it should be and we are no longer being monitored was incredible

This pregnancy is a gift in so many ways – not only that we are expecting this little boy but also because it has made me realise how lucky we are, what a circle of love and friendship surrounds us and how many wonderful people our touching our lives and whose lives we are touching

Thankful is too mild a word to express how I feel but I am holding this feeling close to my heart, writing it here so I will remember when life is harder and can come back and remember that even in the dark days there are people out there wishing you on and hoping alongside you

It is amazing how wide the ripples from a single small thing extend – that is something I need to remember

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