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Boys vs girls

I’m hoping to find out what variant on the blue / pink colour scheme Baby3 is going to be on Monday, along with hopefully finding out that all my puffed out running efforts and the extra walk everyday to the train station have meant that things are in much better shape this time around than they were with Littler

Trouble is that I don’t really know what I would prefer this baby to be – boy or girl?

Partly it is because what I really want is a happy healthy baby – an end to everything we’ve been through and preferably not a repeat of any of the problems we had with Littler – I know I can, and will, do whatever it needs but the prospect of bedrest again is not one that I want to go through if I can possibly avoid it

Most people seem to assume that we’ve kept on trying in the face of so many reasons to not carry on because we must be desperate for a boy – it’s not true, having got pregnant we just hoped to be able to have a baby rather than one specific type

Interestingly Mr M wants another girl – I can see the attraction – more of what we know, we have lots of beautiful girl clothes that survived the great cull and we do know how to bring up girls. There is the risk that three small females will mean that the house finally sinks under a sea of pink and glitter and that I reach saturation point from all the princesses. And then there’s the small problem about what to call another girl – we’ve got what we think are good names for the two we have, how can we follow that up? Is naming a third child of the same sex rather like that tricky second album? Can you over think it, work really hard and still end up with something rubbish that will end up in the naming equivalent of the 99p bargain bin at Woollies?

Countering all of this is a feeling that I just won’t know what to do with a boy baby – I’ve changed girl nappies, I’ve wrestled with tights and that’s all been ok and part of my comfort zone. Heck I’ve even learnt how to plait hair and detangle long locks without permanently falling out with my offspring – none of those skills are going to count for anything if we end up with a blue version. Bluntly put I’ve no idea how to deal with boy bits and that sort of scares me

Other people don’t help – we’ve had a deluge of comments that a boy will be so different from our girls – more physical (really? These two are like two Labrador puppies most of the time), less emotionally engaged and continually on the go – are these just sweeping generalisations or is it really that different?

This pregnancy is so far very different from my other two – initially we assumed it was the reason I’ve managed to keep carrying this one, is it because the rhesus factor is different? Or because the placenta is in a different place and avoiding the damaged bit on the front? Or is it because this isn’t another girl?

This baby is also wonderfully active – we can both feel him or her wriggling away and I guess that is the bottom line – it doesn’t matter really whether this is a girl or a boy, there isn’t much we can do about that but what we do have is a wonderful opportunity to grow our family and that is going to be incredibly exciting

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13 comments to Boys vs girls

  • This makes me smile, because I TOTALLY get what you’re saying right now. The first thing everyone says and most often even before congratulating us, is that we’ll be wanting a girl then. That has been and still isn’t a thought we process, for me it’s about finishing our family. Bringing a third child into it and stopping there be it another boy or a girl, it wouldn’t matter.

  • Claudia

    We have one of each and I’ve not found that much difference other than that boys can wee round corners. He’s less liable than his sis to go where you want him to go compared to her at his age (2) but then I think it’s less about ‘boy’ & more about his sis being an exceptionally cooperative toddler, who bizarrely never thought of running away.

    • Hannah Brewer

      You see there’s part of me that sort of wishes I could pee around a corner…

      Do wonder how much is 1st vs 2nd rather than boy vs girl

  • I’m told that boys are more needy and affectionate – and less independent – than girls, but only having had boys I don’t actually speak from personal experience. But everyone’s experience is different. All I can say is that having boys is incredibly rewarding – and I know you’ll love whatever you have! x

  • We have one of each and I think from what we’ve experienced, what people mean by boys being more physical is that girls try and get their way through talking the talk and boys do it more by physicality (A throws things across rooms in a rage, T will try and manipulate her way).

    Also, A enjoys learning through tactile things – we never had trouble with T regarding playing with the contents of her potty but A is terrible for sitting and playing with the warm soggy toilet roll (I know, ewwww) if we don’t get there first to empty it.

    T is just as physical in play a lot of the time but seems less so in a learning sense.

    She has always been more independant than A too, he loves cuddles and snuggling up and holding hands. She just wants to go off and find her own way but he wants some security.

    And boys bits are only terrifying for about a week and then you get used to them ;)

    My pregnancy with A was a lot different from my one with T too. I was sick with him but not her for a start.

    Good luck and enjoy regardless :)

    • Hannah Brewer

      I can cope with being terrified for a week – to be fair when Littler arrived, despite knowing girl bits we still have a bit of an ‘um how do we change a nappy’ moment (and yes, Bigger was still in nappies then – doh!)

  • Whether a boy or a girl I just find choosing the right name the biggest pressure. Albeit there’s always Deed Poll!
    Boys and girls- I do think it’s a different kind of energy. My daughter’s is directed, the boys are just volcano’s. And neither is less tiring for me!
    So yes, a baby. That would be perfect thanks!

    • Hannah Brewer

      Oh don’t – in some ways would be easier if is a boy because we haven’t used up all the really good girl names – but still got to find one we agree on

  • Tim

    Good luck! We were in the opposite situation. Having had two boys first, everyone assumed we wanted a girl but really we just wanted a third child. We genuinely didn’t mind as long as all went smoothly, which thankfully it did. Other than arriving 19 days late. And necessitating a 130mph dash up the M4 to an unexpected hospital delivery (like the first two, it was a planned home birth) where I arrived with just 15 minutes to spare. That. Whichever sex Littlest is, I hope they’re healthy and everything you wanted.

  • Late to this post, so by now you’ll know. I had two boys, and everyone assumed I must have wanted a girl. I didn’t. I felt ok about either, but safer with the idea of a 3rd boy. The idea of a girl made me a bit panicky, if I’m honest. Number 3 was a girl, and yes, it’s very different.

    Not helpful when grandparents (who had 5 grandsons and no granddaughters) referred to the fact that she was a girl as thrilling, and “not another disappointment”. Not helpful.

    Now I’ll have to read through subsequent posts to find out what the answer was!

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