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Enforced competitive romance? Must be nearly Valentines

I had to pop and buy some stamps at lunchtime – waiting in the queue I couldn’t escape the twee cards, the plastic heart shaped tat and the garish boxes of chocolates – the message was loud and clear ‘you aren’t properly loved unless your significant other has bought you something THIS ugly’

Because let’s face it 99% of things marketed as essential buys around 14th February are horrible – I’ll obviously exclude diamond rings, decadent chocolates and lingerie from Agent Provocateur.  Obviously

There’s also the whole thing about having to go out, pay over the odds to sit jammed up next to another couple and to engage in a bout of ‘we’re being more romantic than’ over the course of a meal – yes some people might find that sort of thing fun but not me

It may have something to do with having been in a relationship for 15 years – things look very different in that first lust-driven relationship phase, heck you only have to look at Louise Mensch going on about how to keep the passion in your relationship to realise that things are TOTALLY different in the first year than after you’ve been together for a decade or more

This Valentines we’ll be at home – a nice bottle of red and some bread and cheese and avoiding the saccharine masses – who says you can’t find romance in the middle aged pursuit of agreeing that the world has gone mad?

I guess at least I should be thankful for one thing – the pressure to conform to the mass hysteria around Showing Each Other You’re In Love at least means that everyone charges out of the office at a reasonable time on one night of the year…



On a sort of similar note am I also alone in being utterly bemused by the idea of needing to be ‘extra fresh’ and to ‘clean up’ my ladybits? 

Whilst these ads are sort of amusing (come on don’t wood and knob jokes make you snigger a bit too?) I’d never even heard of adult wipes let alone would have known what to do with them (by the way do you know babywipes get rid of all manner of stains – smoke, scuff marks, crayon, pencil – absolutely brilliant)

I was sort of aware of the trend to remove hair and add sparkles but had ignored it as being far too much like hard work – the idea that we all need to be scented (and presumably not scent by Mother Nature?) had totally passed me by

Last time I checked just being willing and awake seemed to be the best guarantee of getting a good time?  When did it all get so complicated?  Where can I sign up to boycott this?

Anyone else?


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4 comments to Enforced competitive romance? Must be nearly Valentines

  • Tim

    This sounds oh so familiar! With three kids (and even before then, to be honest), we’ve long since given up on going OTT on VD. (Oh, hang on, that’s an unfortunate abbreviation, isn’t it?)

    Valentine’s for us these days consists of a quiet night in with the TV off (well, for at least the duration of dinner), a takeaway, a glass of wine, a token small box of genuinely good chocolates (because my wife is a chocolate snob and always on a post-Xmas diet in mid-February) and hopefully no interruptions from the kids. And then it’s about trying to keep a bit of that spirit alive for the otehr 364 days of the year. Love isn’t something you show once a year, after all.

  • You made me smile (a breath of fresh air). I’ve just sat on (and crushed) my chocolate heart (accidently, I hasten to add).

    The feminine wipes thing has passed me by too, although I do remember a rather amusing pitch in Dragons Den about male wipes (aimed, primarily, it would appear at City-types who are working so hard they don’t get to go home and long distance truck drivers). The only difference from babywipes? The marketing and packaging. A bit like Valentine’s Day, really.

    • Hannah Brewer

      At least if a chocolate heart is crushed it must be eaten?

      As a former City type who may have done the odd session where I haven’t been able to get home (1) all the offices have showers and (2) only muppets wouldn’t have a change of undies somewhere in their desk but even so ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

      Agree – just the same as baby wipes but with extra cost… hey ho

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