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Just call me The Grinch

Oh the seasonal delights of Christmas and the weeks upon weeks of enforced pre-Christmas joy – the first school event vaguely linked to Christmas was before half term and our nativity play is in November (admittedly the 29th but still NOVEMBER)

Anyone with small children will know that the worst thing you can do with an event of Great Excitement is start talking about it too soon – with Christmas fayres (is it just me who really dislikes the twee spelling of that?) and the like starting the first weekend in December it is going to be a seriously l o n g month of trying to manage the midgets’ expectations.  Still I’m sure with a bit of work, the help of our elf and the rest of it we can probably muddle along and not be reduced to screaming tantrums when yet again it isn’t going to be Christmas tomorrow…

The one thing I will not be joining in with is the endless chances to pay hard cash for the chance for my small people to meet Father Christmas

Actually it would be fine if they were really meeting Father Christmas (I’d quite like to see him myself – there are a few things on my list that he might need reminding about and I have been a good girl most of the time) – instead they have copious opportunities for me to hand over cash for them to meet a random selection of strange men with fake beards

I’m not saying that my children are particularly bright but even they have managed to notice the change in skin colour, size and accent of the various Santa’s that they have had the chance to encounter – seriously, why is there no Gold Standard Santa?  Presumably trained intensively at Santa School to ensure that they all sound the same and look the same?  Instead we have a selection of slightly awkward sounding men wearing nasty polyester suits and with a cushion shoved down the front to give them a sufficiently round, if not natural feeling, tummy

So this year I have decided to take a stand – this year they will meet one Santa, just the one, to avoid Mummy having to make up increasingly fanciful stories to explain the unexplainable.  I can’t see much in the way of downside – we won’t have any confusion, I won’t pay for a selection of nasty plastic tat that they’ll become unreasonably attached to and I won’t do myself a damage rolling my eyes at yet another inferior Santa

That said I just may have invested in an elf – if we are starting Christmas at the beginning of December I need all the allies I can to ensure good behaviour by having a direct elf-line to the man in the red suit

Yup, just call me The Grinch…   Bah humbug!

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