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Dither dither dither

If I have started one blog post in the last week I have started 10 – I have drafts upon drafts of half written, unfinished, not quite thought through posts that I just can’t quite finish and get posted up

The rest of my life is rather the same – I’m dithering about my job, about getting back to grips with the house and the job list, about what to wear, about what the next thing on my craft list is

It feels like all around me are piles of half finished things that I can’t quite find the energy or inspiration to finish off and be able to tick off the list

It isn’t helped by having a lull in the whole babymaking process whilst we wait for me to have a (hopefully) little operation next week – I’m refusing to google on the basis I’ll only find out it is bubonic plague but I’m worried that this is the magic answer that will make it all right and meanwhile tick tock tick tock I keep getting older and more and more people I know get pregnant whilst I don’t

Nor is it helped by the prospect of having to properly commit to my career – if I am honest I’ve been drifting a bit the last two years.  Yes I have fought to get my 80% hours, yes I’ve worked hard at my projects but I don’t feel that I’ve really thrown myself into it and it is reaching the point where I probably should put a bit more effort into it and I’m not sure I want to but then again maybe I do

The girls are both poorly again – three weeks into big school and Bigger has already had two days off last week poorly and another two days off this week – think we probably have the worst attendance record of any family but if she has a tummy bug she has to come home.  Littler has a chest infection – feel rather guilty about that because it must be my genes at fault – I spent most of my childhood winters with chest infections and I know how rotten it is for her

I need to sort through clothes, stop the mess piling up at home and generally get a grip but I lack the energy or time – if I’m getting home after 8pm I just want my tea and to collapse rather than grab hold of the chores list and set to

As I said dither dither dither

Probably time to write more lists and try and plan my way out of this rut – at least trying to do more exercise means I’m avoiding the worst of the black cloud

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