If I have started one blog post in the last week I have started 10 – I have drafts upon drafts of half written, unfinished, not quite thought through posts that I just can’t quite finish and get posted up
The rest of my life is rather the same – I’m dithering about my job, about getting back to grips with the house and the job list, about what to wear, about what the next thing on my craft list is
It feels like all around me are piles of half finished things that I can’t quite find the energy or inspiration to finish off and be able to tick off the list
It isn’t helped by having a lull in the whole babymaking process whilst we wait for me to have a (hopefully) little operation next week – I’m refusing to google on the basis I’ll only find out it is bubonic plague but I’m worried that this is the magic answer that will make it all right and meanwhile tick tock tick tock I keep getting older and more and more people I know get pregnant whilst I don’t
Nor is it helped by the prospect of having to properly commit to my career – if I am honest I’ve been drifting a bit the last two years. Yes I have fought to get my 80% hours, yes I’ve worked hard at my projects but I don’t feel that I’ve really thrown myself into it and it is reaching the point where I probably should put a bit more effort into it and I’m not sure I want to but then again maybe I do
The girls are both poorly again – three weeks into big school and Bigger has already had two days off last week poorly and another two days off this week – think we probably have the worst attendance record of any family but if she has a tummy bug she has to come home. Littler has a chest infection – feel rather guilty about that because it must be my genes at fault – I spent most of my childhood winters with chest infections and I know how rotten it is for her
I need to sort through clothes, stop the mess piling up at home and generally get a grip but I lack the energy or time – if I’m getting home after 8pm I just want my tea and to collapse rather than grab hold of the chores list and set to
As I said dither dither dither
Probably time to write more lists and try and plan my way out of this rut – at least trying to do more exercise means I’m avoiding the worst of the black cloud
Maybe before you write a list you actually step away and take some time out for a few hours – that might give you the best perspective? Come to the MADs and party/chat/gossip/getexcitedaboutblogging again. Or go have a glorious long massage and facial. Or take half a day at the gym to exercise, but also go to the steam room and have a cuppa afterwards?
Huge hugs lovely xxx
45 minute cycle at the gym whilst reading my book seems to be a part of the answer – brain space…
Clever lady
Oh boy I know THAT feeling… I’m completely dithery at the moment and have lost all sense of direction in pretty much everything… trying to get a grip and focus on what’s important right now but that’s easier said than done! Hope you manage to write that list and tick at least one thing off a day… it’s a start!
Step by step – and I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time, have commented over at your place
I’m a bit like this atm need someone to give me a kick up the bum!
*kick*
If it makes you feel any better your first 3 paragraphs sound exactly like my entire life, constantly. Which has now made me worry I’m a total permanent dithering freak!
Um are you saying I’m a total permanent dithering freak???