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If you don’t ask then nobody knows to help

I’ve hit a low patch – a really low, keep crying and just want to burrow under my duvet and not come out for a long time patch – I’m not totally sure what has kicked it off but suspect that last week’s news about another part of my useless body not doing something right might have something to do with it

Trouble is though that when you don’t tell people about the things that are going on behind your carefully crafted facade of life really all being ok is that they don’t know that there are things going on that may be less than tippy top

I’m rubbish at telling people personal things – I’m sure that there is a simple way to do it but when things aren’t going so well behind the scenes I’m never sure how to break the silence and let people know

My pregnancy with Littler was a case in point – some of our friends only knew I was pregnant when we announced her birth – they hadn’t known why I had disappeared from sight and knew nothing about the bed rest, hospital visits and all of the emotionally draining awfulness of it, they only saw that we turned down some invitations saying we couldn’t travel that far

Where we are now is a bit similar – my family don’t know what is going on and I’m not even sure if they know the full extent of our babymaking attempts, certainly it was a bit of a shock to be told to be careful not to feel broody when cuddling my newest nephew… um sorry have you really not added up that several miscarriages might mean broody doesn’t even start to cut it?

Anyway, I digress

I wish I knew how to fix things, I wish I knew how to make everything better and I wish I had the opportunity to take a duvet day

If anyone knows how to push this black cloud away please let me know

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16 comments to If you don’t ask then nobody knows to help

  • Having read some of your previous posts, my heart aches for you. There’s really no words that can take away your pain but I hope you do reach out for support from others and don’t try to deal with this on your own. I’m having a crisis with my parents at the moment and on top of that, something else so completely awful has happened but my husband & I can’t talk about it with anyone – holding in the pain and worry makes things so much worse.

    • You are so right – not being able to tell other people is part of the hard part, I guess I hadn’t realised up until this weekend how little my family have taken on board and how little they understand and that hasn’t helped me feel any better about it all

      I hope your situtation gets better really soon xxx

  • I have no advice, only the offer of a listening ear and a cyber hug. I hope writing this may have helped in some small way, possibly. I’m sorry you’re going through such a raw, rough, difficult time. And now I’m going to shut up, because I suspect my rambling isn’t helping at all. I just didn’t want to read and run. xxx

    • Ramblings always help – without this blog and the people I’ve met through it things would be a million times harder – this is the one place I know I can write and share and think through things which I may struggle to express in the real world to real people

      Thank you

  • kninki

    Lovely, talk to someone. Pick someone you know will be supportive and kind, and just tell them. Talk it through, around and back again. It’s not good to hold so much inside – take it from someone who is past master at bottling stuff up. It never ends well.


    • I know bottling up doesn’t work – very mindful of what happened the last time I tried that approach

      Am talking to Mr M, am getting to the gym and exercising which has always helped in the past and I’m starting on a mass of lists to help me at least feel some control

      Step by step right?

  • I agree with kninki. Just image for a second that the black cloud was gone – how great would that feel? I am sure you can get there, even if you are now in an incredibly difficult patch. Although it may not go away instantly I do think letting someone in and asking for some support and love when you need it will do a world of difference. Take care x

    • You’re right – I know how good it can be when the cloud passes, it makes it worse in some ways knowing it may get worse before it gets better but at least now I can see what is happening and start to try and gently turn things around

      Thank you

  • huge (((Hugs))) so sorry you’re going through this

  • Saying I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through sounds trite since we don’t know each other, but I really am. I’ve not had the same experiences as you but I can definitely relate to struggling to let people know when things behind the facade aren’t great. Things that have helped me lately are not avoiding people even when I feel like it, forcing myself to walk around the block whatever the weather and being kind to myself. Self compassion can be really hard to do but seems to help if you can master it (I’m still trying).
    sending lots of love x

  • Lynne

    Sending hugs its an awful feeling xxx

  • michelle Whitehead

    Life is tough, be kind to yourself, look after yourself physically as well as emotionally, i struggle to deal with the emotional stuff when i slip with taking my vitamins, aren`t getting enough sleep etc.
    Also don`t beat yourself up about the way you feel,feeling guilty about feeling down will only make you feel worse.
    You are doing your best to cope with a very difficult situation and its hard.
    Also maybe make a appointment and go have a talk with your Gp there is no shame in having to take anti-depressants if you need them, if you don`t like the idea of medication i found the supplament St.johns wort a great pick me up when i was going through a similiar bad patch.
    Cyber hugs i hope things get better for you really soon

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