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Dragging myself out of the rut

I guess the good news is that I have realised that I am in an rut – it’s taken long enough for that to happen but the reality is that I am firmly stuck in here and I need to get myself out.


My life feels as if it has rather been on hold since last summer –  I had always thought that by now, nearly a year since we conceived that baby, that I would be pregnant again and having that thought lurking in the back of my mind has been like a brake on the rest of my life.


I cannot sit around letting month after month go by and let things that are not happening drive everything else in my life or rather not drive them and let them just muddle on.


I’ve never been terribly good without a life plan and my life doesn’t have a plan – there are things I would and should change and I’ve held off taking any action just in case.


Well here we are a year later and just in case never happened and I do probably have to face up to it not happening.


But where to start?


How can I drag myself out of this rut?


I have decided to leap in and on with my training to be a breastfeeding counsellor – I got flying colours in my 1st module and I love the intellectual stimulation of learning new things. I’m hoping that by the time I qualify in two years either I will have made different choices about work or the systems will be in place to let me work as a counsellor – if not I’m going to save up to repay the cost of my training and I’ll find other ways to use the skills. I’ve doubted my ability to do this and yet I know this is something that I can do, that I can make a difference with and I just need to leap in and do it. Although perhaps not open up the next module again at work – the detailed cross section of a breast did raise an eyebrow or two!


I need to face up to the fact that this job really hasn’t worked out quite how I had hoped. Yes on the plus side I do actually have a job, and in my business that was a compelling reason to move here and to stay here, BUT the way my boss and I work is so different that I spend my whole time feeling bent out of shape and I don’t feel that my skills and experience are recognised. It isn’t the flexible, family friendly, female friendly place they led me to believe and I can’t see my career doing much here. I need to find out what else is out there and what else I can do – I want to work, I like my job but there must be other places I can do this and perhaps even new avenues to look at.


I need to declutter and start getting rid of things I am hoarding just in case. We don’t need the piles of books on the top of the bookcase, we need the space and less places for dust to collect. If I can clear off the upstairs landing I can get my reading corner back and hopefully spend some more evenings watching the sun set over the fields. That makes me happy and I need to do things that make me happy.


I have to get back into exercising. My weight has gradually increased and I’m not running as much as I did. I enjoy it, it keeps the anxiety at bay and I want to be thinner before the summer holidays. Time to brush off my trainers and to work out how to shoehorn the time out of my day. Perhaps I have to face up to getting up earlier – how do other people do it?


And on the baby front I’m going to try and be more proactive. I’ve booked to go back and have some acupuncture – it helped get me and keep me pregnant with the other two and perhaps it will help this time. I’ve been and had some blood tests and whilst they have come back normal it is a first step to working out what is going wrong. I’m looking into options about what next – part of me doesn’t want to go down this path but unless I do something then we will not have any answers and we could spend several more years stuck in this limbo.


But more importantly I am going to try and be kind to myself – to make time to see friends, do things that make me smile, take some time to do nothing much.


This grumpy rut-stuck me isn’t much fun for anyone to be around and it isn’t much fun being here and being me.


This needs to change.

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14 comments to Dragging myself out of the rut

  • Good luck with jumping out of the rut.. sounds like you have lots of options and possibilities…

  • Yvonne

    Your honesty is always very much appreciated. I’m going through some major changes in my own life that I had never envisioned and must keep reminding myself that following “the plan” isn’t always an option. I so admire your ability to re-calibrate and march forward.
    Have you read “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin? The author devotes a year to figuring out how to be happier in her everyday life. Many of the things you’ve mentioned are suggested in the book as well, so you’re halfway there already! 😉

  • Well done. You’ve taken a huge step already by realising you’re in a rut and deciding to do something about it. Acupuncture sounds like a great idea – you need to be kind to yourself. It’s taken me a long time to learn that, but I’m a MUCH nicer person when I’ve spent some time on ME. Look forward to hearing all about your new life plan!

  • I just wanted to add my cheers from the sideline!! You will get there!! Goooooooooo, Muddling!

  • Brilliant you to say it out loud x

  • Glad to hear you are being kind to yourself!

  • I know what it’s like when you feel stuck in a rut but it’s so good when you recognize it and find ways to get out of it. It sounds like you have a good action plan!

    I also know how hard it can be to focus on other things when you feel that your family isn’t yet complete. It can be hard sometimes to enjoy the wonderful family you already have.

    Sending lots of love xxx

  • Sounds like you have a great plan going there. Exercising every day always lifts you, sounds so basic but it does.

  • Merry

    So sound like me a year ago. I really hope focusing on change briNgs you te change it did for me.


  • Saying it out loud is the first step, isn’t it? Hoping you can start getting out now. Breast cross-section diagrams are so interesting! I love seeing the changes that happen as they grow in pregnancy. You’ll be a brilliant counselor. I just hope you get to work as one.

  • Hey hun, so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m sure the weather isn’t helping much either. So good to hear you thinking about things you can do to feel better though. I’ve been using an online mood monitor which is really helping as if gives me a chance to see how I react to things and how to have some control over those reactions. Would that help you too?

  • I’m a firm believer in being kind to yourself as a first step to change. Without guilt.

  • Glad to hear you are being kind to yourself!

  • Molly

    I really REALLY want to follow your example on a couple of these things. The exercise thing and decluttering thing would make my home life so much happier. How to find the time though? I already cram 65-70 hours work into a week around the toddler, how can I find time for me too?!

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