For a short while this week life changed.
For a short but wonderful time I was pregnant again – able to dream about how our family was going to grow, to dream about moving on from the hiatus of this last year and to count my blessings.
Sadly it didn’t last – just as I began to really hope (and had bought pregnancy vitamins) everything fell apart and the dream died. All I have to remind me that it was real and not a figment of my imagination are some photos of pregnancy tests on my phone…
Perhaps it would have been better to not have allowed myself to hope but 18 months into this process of trying I know my cycles better than the back of my hand and know when something is different. Sadly also to know when things are going wrong.
I know that in some ways it is a positive thing that I can get pregnant – I just really, desperately wanted to stay pregnant.
Perhaps next month but realistically probably not.