It is funny the things that suddenly matter. The small things that really have very little place in the greater scheme of things and when considered logically should not merit a single moment of consideration. And yet they are the teeny tiny things that seem to matter the most.
It happened again today. A text from our nanny saying that she hoped I didn’t mind but she’d had a scrabble around in my sewing box and had fixed the elastic onto Bigger’s new ballet shoes.
Logically I should say thank you, be grateful that she’s done something off her own initiative that takes away a job I’d have had to have done over breakfast tomorrow morning so they were ready for ballet class tomorrow afternoon and move on.
Trouble is that it isn’t as simple as that.
I’d talked to Bigger last night about how excited she was about new ballet shoes (it was her good thing – when I’m home for bedtime we talk about the good things and bad things in our day) and I said I’d make sure to sew on the elastic over breakfast tomorrow.
So I’m sat here feeling rather put out that I don’t have to do it.
Which is quite frankly ridiculous.
Perhaps it is because I can more or less shrug off the daily questions about who is looking after them, the kisses goodbye, the conversations about how we miss each other that something small has a bigger impact.
Perhaps it is because it was a little thing (like sewing on name tapes) that is something that I can do for her and therefore feel that I should do.
Perhaps it is because I have been away from them too much this week – I’ve barely seen Littler all week (yes I am thankful she sleeps so well that I don’t get to see her if I leave early and get home late but even so…) and not had enough time with Bigger.
Perhaps this is a sign that the precious balance isn’t quite there and we need to all focus on having a Very Good Weekend.
Or it could just be that I’ve been working too hard and totally lost all perspective under the mountain of paper and empty coffee cups littering my desk.