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The Friday Rant Club – I am still a full time Mum

Let me get this absolutely clear – set it out straight for those of you in the back who may not have been playing attention – I am a full time Mum.

Yes I may work BUT I am still a mum even when I’m away from the house.

I don’t suddenly get to hand back all the things associated with having children the second I step out of the door.

Irrespective of my physical presence in their lives I am still a full time mum.

I may not be responsible for their care during all of the daylight hours BUT that does not make me any less of a Mum.

I still have to work out what we will all eat, what they will do, I still worry about coughs and colds – I do not flick a switch and stop being a mother because I do some other stuff during the day.

In the same way that becomming a Daddy was an irreversible process for Mr Muddling, so it is for mothers – whether we work or not we are fundamentally changed – physically, emotionally, mentally – by the fact that we have children.

It’s like breathing – I carry on doing it even when I’m doing other stuff.

So can we stop with the whole working mothers aren’t full time mothers thing?  I’m as much of a mum as any other mother – it’s just I have exchanged one set of small demanding, often unreasonable people for a lot of larger, equally demanding, frequently unreasonable people.

Right – got that off my chest.

Have a good weekend all!

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The Friday Rant Club is a chance to get those niggles, those irritants, those things that make you want to throw a toddler-stylee tantrum off your chest before the weekend.

Go on, let it all out and if you feel like it there’s a rather nice little button over there on the right to show you that you like a bit of a rant or even better get in touch and send me a guest rant.

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15 comments to The Friday Rant Club – I am still a full time Mum

  • I think that maybe the label “full time mum” has come about from Mums who choose or are able to stay at home with their children and their own need for justifying their choice. Often it’s to get other’s to understand that being a mother in itself is a full time job when sometimes those without children ask questions like “what do you do all day?” or imply that being a Mum is hardly like real work. They would be right of course with the whole idea about it not being like real work because being a Mother is like nothing else I know but how can you grasp that if you aren’t one? I think most of us Mums are just doing our best no matter what our parenting choices or family arrangements are and we should recognise that rather than standing so divided. BTW, I’m a mother of 4 (2 sets of twins) all home-educated. Best wishes x

    • Being a mum at home all day is horribly hard work, been there during maternity leaves and know how it is on my Fridays BUT I think that suggesting that life is easier for mothers who work outside the home isn’t right – we have to do all the other stuff (except physically be there during working hours) plus work plus deal with the fall out from not being physically there

  • Juliet

    Oh I hear you sister! X

  • Oh yes I hear you, my friend that gleefully informed me on my first day of maternity leave with ds2 that I could now be a full-time mum again soon learnt my opinion on that one!

  • In defence… I’d hazard a guess that the phrase ‘full time mum’ is put out there by mums who spend every waking moment with their very small children and realise that in many ways it’s preferable to go out to work and have a separate life away from them sometimes. I’d guess they’re jealous of the fact that you have a job and get to exercise part of your brain that us mums who spend every moment with their children just don’t get to do. I ehar what you’re saying but spare us a thought too.

    • You see I don’t think it is necessarily preferable to go out to work – I am pulled every single way during my working day because I still have all the home things but I have to try and shoehorn them into my working life

      I don’t have any time to myself, I have a huge amount of pressure to try and compete with people who have a support system at home and I have the pressures of missing my girls

      Grass is always greener? Probably

  • I agree entirely, I’m not saying stay at home mums don’t put in a full day’s work, but mine doesn’t stop when I get home in the evening, it starts again, and again, and again, until I fall into bed! As does everyone’s, whatever their timetable.

    • It’s the job + job phenomena – I have a paid job plus the same amount of Mummy stuff I’d still have to do if I was at home. Nobody else is doing the washing, cleaning, book reading and I still have to do it

  • Hear hear – we are all in this together whatever choices or non choices we have to make…..

    Anyway, in case you need cheering up – you’ve won a heart shaped Bananagrams so can you email me your address at lucycampbell@familyaffairsandothermatters.com please??

    Thanks
    Lx

  • This is similar to the way I feel about the word “homemaker”. It’s a very American term, granted, but I’m from that side of the pond so bear with me. I resent it when friends back home suggest that I am now a homemaker because I believe I was “homemaking” even before I stopped working full time to stay at home with the baby. But more than that, I think my husband is also a homemaker as he is invested in and contributes to the home as much as I do. I’m not letting him off that easily!

    I do get why people use the term “full-time mum” though. I guess “stay at home” does make it sound as if we’re just lounging about taking it easy all day. There are definitely challenges on both ends. Putting in a full day’s work at the office then coming home to everything that needs to be done there is something I dread! But playing peekaboo, changing nappies and dealing with hours of screaming without much adult interaction is pretty hardcore too. I don’t think any labels we use could properly express how challenging both set-ups are.

    • Homemaker is not a term I love – I still make a home despite leaving it every day but yes, all of my view of this is filtered through my experience of having to go out and having to return to work

      And yet, as you say, Mr Muddling who never took any paternity leave, who has always worked silly hours but who still does big projects around the place is equally a home maker – a home needs the people who live in it

  • I hear you. The thing is, when I read comments about this and threads on mums forums etc I always think that only some of the story is there.

    a) yes being at home full time is really tough and an amazing job to do – no pic nick and something which should be congratulated
    b) yes there is something exciting and challenging about being at work

    but

    and I think it is a massive but, I am still my children’s bloody mother all day, still worrying about them and thinking about them and doing things for them as you say ‘full time’. I don’t ‘come home’ to them, to peek-a-bo and nappies – they are always there even if someone else is doing the actual nappy changing and jiggling.

    And I get really snarked when I get told, as I often do, that I have something great in terms of a challenge when I go to work, that I get ‘time off’ from my children. I don’t think work is ‘time off’ it is just ‘geographical distance’. I still have all the responsibility of parenting – the metaphors are all off kilter. I don’t stop being a mother because I’m in a conference call – I still have to be doing all the all around thinking about my child and all the bringing up, making decisions big and small, finding ways to entertain and protect them. Nursery doesn’t organise holidays of vaccinations or buy clothes or visit museums or go to the doctors or think about his health long term or make decisions about his welfare outside the very basic. I do that. Because I am my sons’ mother ALL DAY EVERY DAY TOO, even if sometimes I’m in a meeting.

    The trouble with full time mum is that it shifts into other insidious areas: a mother who doesn’t work outside the home who I know told me that she was doing ‘the most important job’ for society ‘bringing up’ her children. To my face. As if I am not also doing that whilst also paying flipping taxes.

    RANT. x x x

    • Exactly – nobody is saying that being at home isn’t hard, it is, obviously it is but those commitments, those claims don’t fall away when you work outside the home – they are still there and still putting pressure on

      It isn’t about one group of mothers being somehow better just that if we aren’t at home all the time we aren’t less of a mother, we don’t forget our children, we just do something else as well during some hours of the day

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