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The beginning of the end?

It is funny what things get to – engage brain, engage logic and yet still it is the little things that can undermine hard fought invulnerability.


Today I am starting to sort through our baby clothes, taking bags down from the attic and getting ready to send a package of small, loved things from my girls over to my sister for her to use for her baby.


I have held off sorting out and getting rid of our baby clothes for longer than I should have.  Twice last year I thought we were going to have another baby to use them and so there was no pressing need to move them out.  Now I have to face up to the fact that there is no baby to use them and it is much better that they are used rather than sit up in our attic reminding me of what might have been.


We are doing the same with the toys – I have kept things that could have moved onto a good home for longer than I should have and now we are sorting through.


And yet, I have kept a few things to one side, reluctant to draw a complete line under baby number 3 and our hopes.


But I guess that the reason I am feeling so low is that this sorting out, this starting to get rid of and let go, feels like it is the beginning of me admitting that perhaps we won’t have another baby.  Perhaps deep down I am not there yet.




Who knows?  All I know is that today I feel incredibly sad, incredibly regretful about what might have been.


Time to go upstairs and get back to sorting, time to focus on the happy memories associated with these teeny tiny clothes and move on?  Probably.  Just allow me to wallow for 5 more minutes please?

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24 comments to The beginning of the end?

  • Jo

    I can relate to this – I’m in the same position, just not quite ready to let go yet… I’ve been lending toys to other mum friends so they’re never too far away, but I suspect I’ll have to let go soon too 🙁

    Good luck

  • I feel for you: I was adamant that two is enough yet still have had issues getting rid of some things. In fact I distinctly recall crying when I gave a way my precious peanut shell baby carrier, and giving careful instructions to the new owner to take care of it. Do only what you feel comfortable doing. And only when you are ready.
    Thinking of you xxx

    • Have to admit that not everything is making it into the piles to go – finding the things I had knitted whilst pregnant with them was hard. But they will be staying at a good home and it is a shame to have things just sitting in the loft

  • Wallow away. Very hard to accept if it isn’t what you had hoped for. But, who knows what the future holds…x

  • The Mad House

    Even though I knew it was physically impossible to have a third, I sobbed bucket loads when parting with the boys things. Conversely, the joy I get seeing their things being used and loved does help a little

  • Our baby clothes were all knackered and stained so didn’t hold onto any, but know what you mean about letting go of that possibility…

  • Oh honey, who knows what the future holds.

    Hugs x

  • I can appreciate how you feel, although we have pretty much decided not to have any more and I could really use more space, I cannot get rid of my girl’s things, not yet. But I can imagine your sadness, chin up and keep faith for things to change x

  • Clare

    Hang on in there MAM. I hope that 2012 will be the year that you have to try and remember who the hell you gave it all to. I think most mums feel like this, regardless of circumstances. We can’t have no 3 as would involve more IVF with cash we don’t have plus I am now wrong side of 40 and chances are so slim. The choice is pretty much made for me but I still feel sad (and just cried buckets watching One born every minute, can never quite decide if that should be on tv at all!). You have so much going on right now and you know what, that’s sometimes when all the good things happen too.

    • It is one of the silver linings is that in a way we are calmer so perhaps more likely for things to stick given that at least we know where we are!

      It is hard having the decision taken away from you – be so much easier if we all could flick a switch and it all happened easily

  • Clare

    PS there are still some clothes I just can’t quite part with. Newborn bear suit for the winter baby….

  • you can always get them back!
    It was much easier for me, because it’s me who doesn’t want a 3rd, but it still wasn’t all that easy. It brings back so many memories, but having moved C’s clothes to my niece and then back for my second, it felt like they’ve had good use and were ready to move on. I gave some to a charity supporting asylum seekers in Glasgow (mostly families) which made it much easier to let go.
    I still have my fingers crossed for you though.

    • It’s a good point and it was reading this that got me off my bottom and sorting out. We have some things in the roof, a whole lot off to my sister and a large bag to the charity shop. Things can always be got back and it’s silly to just be storing them on the off chance

  • Tomorrow is a whole other world! Wallow as long as you need. I hated getting rid of my boys stuff and hoped against hope too. But a few years on and I see my nephew wearing and enjoying the clothes becoming as attached to my boys’ favourites as they had been and it does make it right. {{HUGS}}

  • The beginning of the end yes, but also the start of the beginning. I hope the next chapter in your life is an amazing one. xx

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