How do you know when your family is complete?
I just don’t know if this trying for a third baby is the right thing to carry on doing.
I don’t know when, or if, we should be stopping trying and accept that two is the right number of children for us.
I don’t know at which point someone will wave a magic wand and say ‘look there’s no chance of you actually getting and staying pregnant so stop trying’ or maybe they won’t and I could find myself still taking temperatures and filling in charts months in the future.
I just wish I could know what the right thing to do is for us, for me, for this family.
Half of the problem is that when we’ve thrown everything at trying in the past it has tended to work – it did in the summer to be fair but then it didn’t work out. So now I have a niggling worry that there must be something wrong with one or other of us that is stopping this working. There could be – I’m rhesus negative, Mr Muddling is positive and there is a chance that the miscarriages or Littler’s birth might have done something to create antibodies. Except I think I had a test after she was born to say that I was ok. Can’t remember and not sure how I would go about finding out about that. If I knew at least I’d know that there wasn’t any chance and I could move on.
Or perhaps that we just aren’t trying hard enough.
Honestly it has been a struggle for the last few months to be in the right place at the right time and together. The together part obviously being key. Also the not being absolutely shattered, feeling slightly in the mood and not having to deal with poorly children bit. Perhaps evolution has meant that small children know to get poorly around your fertile part of the month so that you can’t breed more siblings to disrupt their life. Or I may be over thinking this!
I’m not getting any younger and neither is Mr Muddling. That can’t be helping things but then again I’m not sure at which point we can safely say that we’re past it. I’m not sure I want to admit to the possibility of being past it, even if I do come from a family with a history of early menopause. I have bought some tests which should tell me if I am getting close to my sell by date but, strangely, I’m reluctant to use them. But it is there niggling away at the back of my mind.
And we are so lucky with our two – they are beautiful, clever, funny little things (of course I would think that!) and with Littler aged 2 life is a lot easier than it has been at any point in the last 3 and a half years. Is that a sign that we should just accept that what we have is good. Is good enough?
Help me here – what should I do?
How did you know the right number of children for you?
Am I just missing the signs telling me that enough is enough?