I wasn’t going to write this but a couple of days on and I am still cross; make that very cross.
I realise that to the person in question it’s just a fly away comment. Something quickly tapped out on a keyboard and not thought about again. Despite that it remains there in black and white, still there, still very irritating.
Am I upset because of guilt? Because it cuts too close to the bone? Because deep down I am unsure of our choices?
No I’m upset because of the implicit judgement.
The overt criticism of the way I live my life.
The comment in question, to paraphrase, is that some parents now use wrap around care before and after school so they can pursue their career and ends with the kicker of why have children in the first place if you are going to leave them with others.
For most of my children’s lives they have been left for a lot of the day with other people.
Does that make me less of a parent?
What about the nights? What about the weekends? What about our holidays?
Are those worth nothing?
Instead it appears that in order to live up to some ideal of parenthood you have to give up on everything apart from parenting. You can’t have a job, a career, or be away from your children.
I assume that this is the case for both parents. Or is it just that mothers are supposed to give up everything once they decide to have children?
And what makes me cross is that once again I feel the need to justify a decision that was made jointly by my husband and I about how we would parent our children because another person thinks we are wrong.
I don’t sit here in judgement about the choices others make when raising their children. I work on the basis that everyone tries their hardest and makes the best choices that they can at the time. Shame other people can’t do the same.