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Get off your high horse & stop judging me

 I wasn’t going to write this but a couple of days on and I am still cross;  make that very cross. 

I realise that to the person in question it’s just a fly away comment.  Something quickly tapped out on a keyboard and not thought about again.  Despite that it remains there in black and white, still there, still very irritating.

Am I upset because of guilt?  Because it cuts too close to the bone?  Because deep down I am unsure of our choices?

No I’m upset because of the implicit judgement.

The overt criticism of the way I live my life.

The comment in question, to paraphrase, is that some parents now use wrap around care before and after school so they can pursue their career and ends with the kicker of why have children in the first place if you are going to leave them with others.

For most of my children’s lives they have been left for a lot of the day with other people.

Does that make me less of a parent?

What about the nights?  What about the weekends?  What about our holidays?

Are those worth nothing? 

Instead it appears that in order to live up to some ideal of parenthood you have to give up on everything apart from parenting.  You can’t have a job, a career, or be away from your children.
I assume that this is the case for both parents.  Or is it just that mothers are supposed to give up everything once they decide to have children?

And what makes me cross is that once again I feel the need to justify a decision that was made jointly by my husband and I about how we would parent our children because another person thinks we are wrong.
I don’t sit here in judgement about the choices others make when raising their children.  I work on the basis that everyone tries their hardest and makes the best choices that they can at the time.  Shame other people can’t do the same.

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11 comments to Get off your high horse & stop judging me

  • I find that this sort of comment tends to come from people that are ignorant about life as a parent through lack of own children or insecure in their own parenting decisions. Usually it’s the latter. I wouldn’t pay them any notice. I know, easier said than done sometimes. xx

  • I can fully understand why you are upset and I think Heather makes an excellent point. Pay them no notice. We all do our best and our parenting choices are just that – our choices, based on our own personal and individual situations. We shouldn’t have to justify them or defend them to anyone.

  • Mum on the move

    On the flip side, your daughters are going to observe both a loving, fantastic mother and also a mother who is ambitious and someone to aspire to be like. So far not a single scientific study has found any detrimental affect to children of having a working mother. For me working part time (3 days) has worked well. But it ain’t for everyone and not every career allows this. And not everyone can afford this! At the moment I am enjoying a couple of years of being a SAHM but am also looking forward to returning to a career I enjoy and making my kids proud of me! There are pros and cons to both sides and we could all pass judgements on the decision to stay at home or work full time. But as you said, it is not for others to judge and make sly cutting comments, but to support and encourage our fellow parents as much as possible.

  • Valerie

    Maybe the comment was directed at the parents who actually shouldn’t have had children. Because lets face it there are plenty out there. What you should be irked about is the inference that its exclusive to working / busy parents, because that part isn’t true. Regardless of circumstance we all have moments (or days), when we feel our parenting isn’t up to scratch and it makes for a touchy subject.
    V
    xxx

  • My 2yo daughter marched past the kitchen the other day and when I asked her where she was going, she said she was going to work. As a part-time working mother, I was just a tiny little bit proud. You do a fabulous job x

    • Bigger did something similar – was ridiculously happy when she told our nanny that as the princess she had to go out to work to keep the prince at home with the babies (not that Mr is at home with the girls but even so!)

  • Like Knackered mother, my daughter plays at going to work (hairdresser this week, doctor last) My son wants to marry a ‘lady who earns lots of pennies’.

    Dont allow others insecurities to upset you,

    xxx

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