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Moving on

The hospital rang yesterday and the levels of pregnancy hormones are dropping.  Its good news – there’s no fear of an ectopic pregnancy.

I’m also feeling more normal, or at least not swirling around in a maelstrom of hormones, and finding that whilst there are still raw emotional patches, I do feel better.

Not least because at least that call means that we can draw a line under this.
I’ve cancelled scan appointments, erased weeks that I’d written in my diary but I’ve not yet deleted the pictures of positive tests I have on my phone.  I’m not sure why not but I can’t seem to bring myself to completely erase these few weeks.

And so life moves on.

We lit candles after the christening we went to on Sunday which felt like the right thing to do, even if Bigger seems to be using it as an excuse to indulge her pyromaniac tendencies.

At some point we’ll need to think about when, or perhaps if, we try again.  I’m not sure about the mechanics of what happens now – when will my system get back to normal?  When might we be able to try again?

We’ve some holiday coming up at the end of the month – nothing glamorous but a bit of time away on a beach and a break from work which is long overdue.  And time together as a family – to enjoy playing with the girls and to have some time together.  We didn’t have much of a summer holiday last year or the year before so we’re definitely ready for this time off.

I’m mostly feeling a bit meh for lack of better ways to describe it – I’ll be around but I’m not sure how much.  On the plus side it does mean I’m making progress with the Far Too Big Blanket, perhaps it might even get finished this year…

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15 comments to Moving on

  • Hazel

    I was told I can try again as soon as I like. First time I got pregnant immediately (ovulated 2 weeks later). Second time we’ll see! The only reason they used to say to wait was for dating purposes; there’s no medical need and for some people trying to get pregnant again is part of the healing process. Others feel they need time to process it all. Whatever you decide, good luck and be kind to yourself x

  • I’m glad that you are physically OK. Hope the time together as a family helps you heal. Will be thinking of you xxx

  • Lorraine berry

    You can try again as soon as you feel emotionally and physically ready – no need to wait for first period, or for a few months unless you really want to wait a while. Recent research has shown trying again sooner results in a higher chance of successful healthy full term pregnancy, so no concerns re needing to wait longer for physical recovery. When you and your partner are ready – in your own time, is best
    Different people take different lengths of time for their bodies to get back to a “normal” level, so might start ovulating in a couple of weeks, or might take a little bit longer.
    Good luck with your future plans, enjoy your holiday and thinking of you / sending positive thoughts xx

    • Lorraine – that’s great to know – am back charting which at least means I feel as if I have some control over this (and back for more acupuncture at the weekend to try and balance myself back out again)

      On reflection I think I very much want to try again but I’m not sure I can put Mr Muddling through it all again quite yet

  • Glad to hear you’ve got a holiday coming up. I hope sharing on the blog is helping you through this difficult time. There’s a whole bunch of people out here that went through that journey with you – and you’ll never erase that. The hope of this child was real to so many people that have never even met you. A nice thought I think.

  • meh – seems like a good word to describe things.
    Enjoy focusing on the Far too big blanket and enjoy the holiday – maybe some relaxation and time out will provide the answers as to when and if you try again – best wishes, big hugs, hope there is comfort in all the warm thoughts, wishes and similar experiences. X

    • Gemma there is a an awful lot of comfort in knowing I have friends who understand and care – has helped so much

      And the blanket is coming on great guns – at this rate I’ll have to buy more yarn!

  • Dear lovely lady. Sorry I’ve been so silent for the last wee while – no computer means no comments (can’t from my phone for some reason) but I have been reading and I have been thinking of you. I really hope that the holiday helps and I would be exactly the same with the pictures. It was real, as you said, and maybe keeping the pictures reminds you of that. I
    am sending lots of love for a wonderful holiday for all of you. xxx

  • Oh love, hugs to you. Peggy’s right, doesn’t fix things but hopefully you know we’re thinking of you x

    • It may be strange but knowing that there are people out there who know and understand is a big help – can’t imagine how bad this would have been in the world before blogging (ok I do know because I did go there and it was grim grimity grim)

  • As people have already said, you can try as soon as YOU feel ready (and Mr Muddling too! in our case he wanted to wait but changed his mind and we tried straight away again. It still took 9 months though).

    I asked for the photo of the scan that showed no heartbeat (I was 11 weeks) and they did remember and send it to me a few months later. That’s our keepsake, and I treasure it without much sadness, just the fact that this was a pregnancy and a baby, even though it never had a heartbeat.

    Above all take it easy and look after yourself!

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