The hospital rang yesterday and the levels of pregnancy hormones are dropping. Its good news – there’s no fear of an ectopic pregnancy.
I’m also feeling more normal, or at least not swirling around in a maelstrom of hormones, and finding that whilst there are still raw emotional patches, I do feel better.
Not least because at least that call means that we can draw a line under this.
I’ve cancelled scan appointments, erased weeks that I’d written in my diary but I’ve not yet deleted the pictures of positive tests I have on my phone. I’m not sure why not but I can’t seem to bring myself to completely erase these few weeks.
And so life moves on.
We lit candles after the christening we went to on Sunday which felt like the right thing to do, even if Bigger seems to be using it as an excuse to indulge her pyromaniac tendencies.
At some point we’ll need to think about when, or perhaps if, we try again. I’m not sure about the mechanics of what happens now – when will my system get back to normal? When might we be able to try again?
We’ve some holiday coming up at the end of the month – nothing glamorous but a bit of time away on a beach and a break from work which is long overdue. And time together as a family – to enjoy playing with the girls and to have some time together. We didn’t have much of a summer holiday last year or the year before so we’re definitely ready for this time off.
I’m mostly feeling a bit meh for lack of better ways to describe it – I’ll be around but I’m not sure how much. On the plus side it does mean I’m making progress with the Far Too Big Blanket, perhaps it might even get finished this year…