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Head vs. heart

Head says:  Admit it is all over and move on.

Heart says:  You’ve had bleeding before and cramps and gone on to have two healthy girls.

Head says:  Bleeding is one thing but these cramps are a sign that your body is not holding onto this baby.

Heart says:  Still not bleeding as much as last time I miscarried, come on that has to be a good sign.

Head says:  Come on, its over, work out when you can go to the doctors and what your options are.

Heart says:  I’m keeping my fingers firmly crossed, there is still a small chance, and I’m holding onto that small chance.

Head says:  You are deluding yourself, you know it and hope now just means more hurt later.

Heart says:  Hope is a wonderful thing.

Head says:  Ok so if you’re going to hang onto infintesimal chances then have a back up plan.  Doctor tomorrow, scan next week, draw a line under this and get certainty one way or the other.
Heart says:  We agreed this pregnancy wasn’t going to be medicalised, there is such a thing as too much information, doctors and hospitals won’t change a thing, hang on in and see what happens.

Head says:  If we know its over we can work on when we can try again.

Heart says:  I’m not ready to admit this is over.

Head says:  Keep putting one foot infront of the other and be strong.

Heart says:  I want to fall to the floor and howl, why can’t I?

So some bleeding, really bad cramps, but nothing conclusive one way or the other. 

And I don’t know what to do for the best.

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