Sorry for that blip back there, sorry for those last couple of posts but you’ll be pleased to know that things have got back on more of an even keel over here at Muddling Towers.
I think it may have been the shock of coming face to face with my own mortality for the first time that caused the biggest part of the wobble. Throughout the last few months and the doctors appointments about my sadly defiicent cervix I have rather managed to ignore the whole abnormal cells bit. Yes there are abnormal cells but you know they aren’t really that abnormal. Needless to say being made to face up to abnormal = abnormal thing did cause a little bit of a wobble.
Ok a major scale wobble.
But writing it all down and the resultant conversations have had an unexpected effect.
I thought that I was on an inevitable downwards spiral but I seem to have flipped out of it.
Life feels as if the colour has come back into it and the blurs around the edges have disappeared.
I’m even managing to cope with going back to work after a week away without all of the angst I anticipated. Yes its not great, but I’m not going to let this man and his inability to manage people destroy my happiness. Bit by bit I am going to find solutions and a way out of this mess and I am going to step by step stop him being so rubbish in the way he treats me.
And I’m trying focus more time on getting the important things done, like planting the courgette plants out so I can deluge my family with courgettes in a few months, and less time on worrying about the unimportant things, like work.
I’ve also put some more structure around home life – we now have 4 weeks of roughed out meal plans. Hopefully we can avoid the rut of food that we’d fallen into and I can get back to enjoying cooking rather than seeing it as a chore.
So thank you for all of your lovely comments, they helped me realise I’m not alone and that there are people out there who can and will help.
And it reminded me that the first person who can help me is me. And I need to get off my backside and do that, right here, right now.