I had rather thought I’d managed to unsubscribe myself from those development emails but no ‘plink’ another one has dropped into my inbox
And so begins the monthly worry about whether I should be worrying about Littler.
I have made a conscious decision to not really think about whether she is doing ok compared to her development goals, to remember that most babies that have problems in utero catch up by age 2 and to remember that irrespective of all that taken on her own in isolation she is a great little thing.
One of our big worries when I was pregnant with her, well apart from the whole would she survive the pregnancy and delivery bit but that sort of got put to one side because it was so all encompassing.
Where was I…?
One of our big worries given that her growth showed that she wasn’t growing her whole body at the same rate, that she was protecting the growth of her brain over the growth of the rest of her was that, perhaps, her brain would be impacted by the whole thing, that perhaps we should have listened to her trying to come out early and not tried so hard to keep her.
But she came out as a perfect, if very small, baby and breathed and cried and fed.
And we got through the early days, the feeding issues, the discovery of her cow’s milk protein allergy and so on. And we’re all doing ok thank you.
Except for these occasional wobbles.
One way in which I’m very lucky is that because I’m at work I don’t get to see her next to other children of her age. Yes I see comments from friends that their little ones of a similar age are doing x or y that Littler hasn’t even considered but they are quite easy to brush off because obviously these friends have genius children and Littler isn’t a genius and just a normal little girl.
Its hard as well because Bigger was incredibly big and sturdy. Think going from under the 25th centile to the 98th and staying there. That Bigger has always been so alert and engaged and chatty.
And it doesn’t do to compare one to the other in any more ways than it really doesn’t do to compare her to her peers.
Except that perhaps I should be comparing her.
And it is hard to reply to people asking if she’s still running a little late in hitting her developmental goals. Obviously you brush off the question and just look at her happily toddling around but it does niggle away.
I’m fairly certain that there is nothing significant wrong with her.
I’m fairly certain that a large part of this is normal middle class angst fuelled by seeing charts saying that at x or y months your child should be doing all of these wonderful things that she isn’t.
I’m fairly certain that she is a wonderful, happy, fun, adorable little girl.
But I’m still worrying about whether I should worry.
And wondering if this niggling concern is something I should just carry on ignoring or whether I should do something about it. Wondering if I am turning in a nutty, pushy middle class mother or if actually this is something I should bear in mind. If this is something like the CMPA which I really should have faced up to sooner or if its a side effect of that.
Is it something, nothing or neither?
And in any case is this something about which I should be worrying more?