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How intimate is too intimate?

I’ve lost count of the number of (admittedly mostly American) films and TV shows where the Mr and Mrs happily sharing a bathroom in the morning, chatting away whilst going about their ablutions.

And you know what, at least in my world, that really isn’t the reality.

Even after two children there is a definite limit to how much Mr Muddling and I would be prepared to do infront of another.

In fact, despite a low point after Bigger was born when Mr had to carry me to the loo and pull down my trousers (put it this way, after you lose a litre plus of blood it takes rather more than you have to get to the loo and yes, the downside of a homebirth is that your husband who isn’t good with blood or bodily fluids has to nurse you.  Which incidentally he did brilliantly its just that this was very much for a limited time) we really aren’t into sharing to the degree that the TV suggests that we really ought to.
You see, call me old fashioned, but there are some things that really should happen behind closed doors.

Yes I know we share a life, two children, the world’s largest mortgage but I do not want him to be able to see every single aspect of what I do behind a closed bathroom door.

I admit that I’m a lot more relaxed since we’ve had the girls and go to the loo infront of them and might even wee with the door open and him in the corridor outside but that’s about as much as I can do.

Anything to do with menstruation, anything to do with the finer points of topiary, anything to do with the whole ugly business making myself look younger and beautiful happens with the bathroom door firmly shut.

Am I alone in this?  Am I some kind of privacy freak?

Or are we this way because Mr wasn’t there throughout the whole childbirth thing?  Does having your partner there in the room whilst you give birth do something different to your relationship?*

Or is it just that I am a traditional English girl and that yes, call it what you will, there is a limit to what I’m prepared to share?  That nice girls don’t put their make up on in public and this is just a natural extension to that?

So do you do the film thing of sharing everything? Of there being nothing hidden, nothing unrevealed? Am I on my own or are there other people who have a limit to how intimate they can actually be?

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14 comments to How intimate is too intimate?

  • No you’re no privacy freak! I think most people have their boundaries about what they are willing to share and it depends on what both woman and man are comfortable with. I do often (not always) share the bathroom with hubby in some respect but I saw my parents do this and that probably impacted on what I’m willing to share…..maybe that’s the American in me coming out! :)

  • Karen Kelly

    I am totally with you on this subject.

    2 kids, homebirths too, which he was present throughout so saw me in all my glory not to mention the ‘aftermath’ but I still wouldn’t wee in front of him!

    I’d much rather dance about outside the bathroom door while he finishes in the shower etc.

    Not old fashioned, nor am I prim and proper, just believe some things should be done in private. Anyway what if I got ‘stage fright’ because he was there…

  • I’m with you. I don’t think I’d be able to go if I had company – apart from my shadow, Moo…

  • I think you can have too much intimacy. I go to the loo with the door open when on my own with the Girls, but close it (though don’t lock) if DH is home. He still looks mortified if he walks in on me getting dressed and we’ve been together for 8 years now. I think that there should be some mystery in a relationship- he doesn’t need to see me struggle into my tights, he should just admire my shapely purple legs. He shouldn’t see me pluck my eyebrows, but admire me eyes. I don’t need to be with him whilst he uses the bathroom. I know what goes on in there. I’m still traumatised knowing that he went below the waistline at Dimples’ birth…..I think he is too.

    • Muddling Along

      I have to say I am rather glad Mr didn’t see below the waistline when the girls were born…. And wrestling myself into spanx is definitely something he doesn’t need to see, just to admire my thin form!

  • Oh yes indeed anything toilet bound or down below in general is definitely attended to with the bathroom door shut. Other stuff however, make-up applying, leg shaving, plucking eyebrows, even squeezing zits gets done whether it’s in his eye-line or not.

  • My parents were always very open and liberal (more to do with my mother’s Finnish upbringing than my father’s, I think), so I’ve always been the same way. I think pretty much the only thing we do draw the line at is number 2s!!

  • Oh I think I got alittle more private after childbirth (trying to keep a little mystery) but there’s hardly anything I make him leave the bathroom for. I think only pooing, and removal of hair on areas other than my legs or armpits (he’s fully aware I do that anyway). Apart from that, we’re chatting away like in the movies. Peeing doesn’t bother me at all.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Hannah, Hannah. Hannah said: Blogging – do you have an intimacy threshold? Are there things you wouldn't do infront of your partner? http://tinyurl.com/66whegd […]

  • I only growl about sharing the bathroom if we’ve fought. I remember girls when I was a teen wouldn’t have a pee or pooh if their boyfriend could possibly hear them! Mind you they didn’t eat in front of their boyfriends either. Me – I’m au natural. Possibly too much so!

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