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Love/hate my birthday

I’m not an overly reflective type.

I pride myself on trying to live in the moment, to live in the joy of what is.

But its funny – its now my birthday and I feel uncharacteristically contemplative.

I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday – there have been wonderful years and there have been terrible years.

I’m not having a birthday dinner this year – I have finally given in to the impulse to not have to deal with the ranks of those not drinking, those on a diet, those still broke from Christmas, those that have given into the January misery.

Instead this evening I will be going out to dinner with my husband and my best friend.

I will be planning a proper celebration later in the year – I have aspirations to be like the Queen with a real birthday and an official celebration!

There have been particularly bad years for my birthday.

The years when I was a trainee auditor and we were closing bank accounts by end January – yes there’s something about a 20 hour day to really make you want to go out and celebrate.

The memorable year when Mr Muddling set me a treasure hunt for my birthday presents.  Except he called me at 7am from the Caribbean and, to be frank, I was really not in the mood for climbing ladders and searching in the dim recesses of our flat. Still credit for trying

My 30th – when Mr Muddling was supposed to join me and friends ski-ing and didn’t for several days. Yes we had fun but it would have been better with him there (call me sentimental)…

And so to this year.

Mr Muddling has been away all this week (perhaps more of this later).

I have had what can only be described as a really quite frankly awful week.  Actually an utterly rubbish week.  But hey ho. Onwards and upwards.

I have my birthday happening.

And there is a small part of me that wants to live in the hope of a happy birthday of lots of fuss being made and then the realistic part of me kicks in and realises I have to go to work and I have not managed to bake the cakes that my firm demands that one brings in on your birthday, I tried, its just that we’re out of flour, I thought we had some but hey, I was wrong.  Oh go shoot me or at least give me time to get to the local supermarket to buy cakes (I can hear the female parts of my family wincing as my womanly credentials are called into question)

Sorry – this would have been a lot more upbeat but actually its late.

And I’ve been wrestling midgets all night because for some reason both won’t or can’t sleep at the same time…

So happy birthday me – and to anyone else who has a birthday today

I’m off to bed – to curl up with both my girls because tonight I will cuddle up to both girls and yes I am rubbish at nightimes and leaving them on their own.

So I guess my birthday present is on reflection not to beat myself up about not going out with friends but family and two fabulous small people – happy birthday me!

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