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Back at work one month

In many ways it seems that this last month has been both incredibly long and mind blowingly short.

I had thought that having gone through returning to work twice already it would be a breeze starting my new job. Appears I was wrong. Returning from maternity to work was far simpler – I was in a place I knew, with a reputation already built and a network of contacts already in place. I had stayed in fairly close contact during my time off and so wasn’t starting completely from scratch.

And here I am doing exactly that – starting from scratch. Yes some of the senior people have worked on deals with me in the past but the majority of people here have no idea who I am or what I do (or worse, what I’m supposed to be doing here).

I’m having to carve out a place and a reputation for myself and some days it feels like I’m literally having to chip away piece by piece to get people to give me a space in this team.

I’m also having to adapt to a different culture and a slower way of doing things. Yes, I know that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that after only one month (and that month having been quieter because of people being out on holiday) I can’t expect to have done great things but even so… there are days when it feels as if I’m wading through treacle and having to fight to achieve even the slightest thing.

Added to all of these are the minor irritants – the email address they have given me that I can’t change (computer says no) but is going to lead to confusion and hassle for years to come, the security pass that doesn’t always work, the lack of tools to make working at home in the evenings easy.

I guess my biggest worry is that I don’t really feel that my voice here is being heard. That I feel I’m being pushed back towards a more junior role than I have been hired into. And each time I get slighted, get left out of meetings, am not told information I need my confidence withers a little bit more.

I know I can do this job. I have the ambition, the skills, the contacts to make it work but I need support and I need my boss to engage with me.

I’m hoping these are just early day frustrations but yet I can feel that over the course of this last month I’ve started to doubt myself in ways I never did at my last job. I also suspect I’m not happy here and that is starting to influence my work – its hard to be upbeat when inside you are feeling that perhaps it isn’t all working and you’ve made a mistake.

It hasn’t been helped by Mr Muddling having not been around at all – I do need someone to talk to about this, to bounce off ideas and questions.

When I took this on I promised myself I wouldn’t make any decisions until Christmas – I’d give ourselves a chance to settle into a new routine, to deal with all the changes on the homefront with our new nanny and new nursery.

There are 100 days until Christmas – I’m really hoping that things improve by then. I’m going to force myself to not dwell on this now – there is nothing I can and I need to focus on giving this a good go. Just not quite sure how I’m going to do that.

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10 comments to Back at work one month

  • TheMadHouse

    >I hope that you manage to make the right decisions for you all

  • Notes to self plus two

    >darling, how incredibly frustrating, hang in there. i swear it takes 6 months in any new job to get your feet under the desk, so to speak! i am certain you will soon have them all where you need them 😉 xx

  • JulieB

    >Sorry to hear things aren't going as you had hoped. Will keep my fingers crossed that things start to fall into place soon.

  • Nappy Valley Mum

    >Poor you, it's SO hard. I agree that it's at least 3 months before you start feeling less like a spare part and more like one of the 'gang'.

    Really tough to juggle though, particularly when you're already trying to balance work/ home life.

    Best of luck and keep blogging, am sure many of us can identify with what you're going through so sending lots of support!


  • solveig

    >It sounds really hard, but I think you are right to give it time to see how it goes. And by then hopefully you will have settled into it and things will have improved.

    Christmas is also my deadline for making some big decisions. Wonder where we will be this time next year!!

  • London City Mum

    >Onwards and upwards – you KNOW you are worth it and they will come to realise this too.

    I do. So send for me if they fail to see this by Xmas.
    A good clip round the ears will soon sort them out.

    LCM x

  • spudballoo

    >Hugs, what a tough time xx

    It's an awful part of being female in the City, and a working parent, and new to the company…but you are going to have to SHOUT LOUDER. You don't have to work harder, your skills aren't up for debate or your experience etc…but your voice needs to be heard. Remember that they hired you because you are the best person to build the business. Rome wasn't built in a day, you're right, but how you establish yourself (internally) will set the tone for how things go externally.

    So, deep breath. Make the most of every minute that you're there. Draw up a hit list of who you need to get onside, another one of those who are windbags but can be either ignored or kept onside with a bit of flattery. Pick out the real troublemakers…are they threatened? Either get rid of them and get them involved in something to get them onside.

    Look at the project list/target list. Pick 3 that are 'quick wins' that will win you friends and influence and boost your confidence. And focus on those.

    If IT etc is getting in your way, tackle it. OR get someone else to tackle it. Don't waste energy moaning about it, get it sorted. You can't do your job without the basic tools in place.

    It's not about working harder, it's about working smarter.

    Find your friends and milk them. Identify your enemies and neutralise them.


  • Rachael (Tales from the Village)

    >Fab comments from everyone, so all I'll say is you're brilliant at your job and you can do it – keep hammering away at that bloody glass ceiling. Big kiss xxxx

  • Metropolitan Mum

    >Oh crap. I hope things will improve for you. You'll sure feel better once Mr M is back – I always find discussing my worries with my husband reassuring. Hang in there! x

  • Sarah, Maison Cupcake

    >I hope things settle down for you. In my previous job I spent the first few weeks being convinced I'd done the wrong thing and wanted to quit to go back where I'd came from but I ended up being very happy there and stayed 10 years. I still complained about it though.

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