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If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all

Oh dear.

Another week, more ructions and rubbish in the mummy blogger world.

And its at times like this that I’m really rather pleased that I’m not really all that involved in the whole Mummy blogging thing.

I’m a mummy who blogs but I’m an awful lot else which at least keeps me busy and takes up my time so I can’t get too involved in the whole wider mummy blogging community.

Which appears to be a good thing given some of the stuff that goes on.

For me its simple.

If you can’t say something nice in a comment or on twitter then perhaps say nothing at all.

People have feelings.

Blogs are important to us because they are putting part of ourselves and our lives out into the public domain and therefore we care about how they are treated.

But what they also do is allow us to air our opinions and we are all entitled to an opinion, even if it differs from what the general consensus is, even if it is contentious, even if you don’t personally agree.

Difference in the blogging community isn’t a bad thing – I struggle with where I fit in, I certainly hope that despite being only a part time mummy I still fit in and I hope our differences make things more interesting.

Also do remember that the community has a memory and if you are snide, petty or downright mean people will remember and might give you the cold shoulder.

Sorry about that but the bottom line is that, especially for people like me with limited time, we want our blogging experience to be positive – to share with like minded people, to be part of a caring, sharing community and to not have to deal with the competitive rubbish that populates our day jobs.

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11 comments to If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all

  • zooarchaeologist

    >I so agree with you, its driving me around the bend at the moment. I am especially sick of this 'cyber- bullying' much of which I am convinced is imaginary. If someone doesn't reply to an email or a tweet or writes an opinion which someone doesn't agree with they get accused of being a bully. A lot of it seems to be in the minds of the accusers.

    I'll be honest here, this week my husband (who is totally happy to own up to his opinions, as I am) has been accused of making a comment, apparently backed up with 'evidence' of our IP address. I know this didn't happen, firstly because we were actually out all day and secondly as he actually proved the IP address wasn't ours. Still the accusations fly, sides are taken and to be honest does anyone with an actual life have the time or the energy to answer back? However, I do know from experience that dignified silence is also not an answer.

    What all this achieves (other than peaks in blog hits) is beyond me. I find it all amazingly bizarre. Perhaps I am naive in thinking that blogging is just a hobby?

    I also have to admit to wondering why most people would want to add a post on cyber-bulling to their blog about their kids lives when they don't normally write about blogging as a medium in itself. Do they really want to recall these things when they are laughing at their parenting experiences in 20 years time?

    Feel free to delete me, i'm rambling a bit and I realise I have been a little bit controversial!

  • icklebabe_com

    >I do blog and I am a mummy but I have no idea what this is all about. As ususl it apears to have gone way above my head.

    But I DO very much agree that this blogging lark is surposed to be fun. I have met alot of friends through it and have had alot of laughs as well as huge support in really hard times (the death of my dad being a major one)
    If I find someone who is not blogging for these reasons then I turn off pretty quickly.
    Anyway, just wanted to say *good job* for writing this brave post, its always good to hear a voice of reason ;D

  • TheMadHouse

    >As you know from my previous post, I am so with you on this. People really do need to realise that this is not real life, but also a little respect goes a long way

  • SingleMotherAnonymous Does France

    >Hi I read this bu tdont quite understand what it is referring too. Have you had some bad comments directed at you. I msut admit I've had nothign yet. I haven't been blogging for all that long though.

  • cartside

    >I keep wondering what all of this is about. Of course cyber bullying is real bad – just I haven't seen it myself and I do wonder what it was that makes people give up blogging or that causes such an amount of posts in a few days. I've kept out of it because I have no negative experience or evidence of any bullying at all.

    I don't have the time to do all the networking and community building stuff either, don't see myself in a clique or anything like it, and I certainly don't aspire to be the greatest blogger ever. I just love to read blogs and write mine, simple as that – so maybe I'm just missing out on the nasty stuff going on (no big loss then).

    Maybe it's about misunderstandings – a comment can easily be misinterpreted if you don't have the usual face to face contact. Maybe some folk are really mean but what goes around comes around eventually, no?

  • JulieB

    >Well said, and also agree with what has already been said in other comments. I've always been a big believer in "live and let live".


    >Hear, hear! Well said. I'm new to blogging but I've even noticed bits of bitchiness going on. We're grown women. This really isn't OK!

  • Perfectly Happy Mum

    >Just got one thing to say:



    Well said dear x

  • Claire @ Cheshire Mum

    >Why? Why can't people just be nice to each other & if you can't say anything nice say nothing at all. Maybe I am just old fashioned *sigh* well written missus. Loving your work! Me x

  • ella

    >Totally agree! Your last paragraph sums up my feelings entirely. Time is short and I want to make the most of my online time.

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >zoo – rant away, there are some people around who seem to be creating situations for some unknown reasons and dragging in people off the sidelines. What I wanted to get across is that the blogging community will remember who and what was said because there are actually people who remember what has been said.

    Icklebabe – for me this is a great community, its helped me so much during my pregnancy and bed rest last year and a few people creating havoc aren't going to change that

    MadHouse – respect, basic human decency, bottom line! I agree

    SMADF – not me, just people I care about, repeatedly. There are some people in this community who seem to get a thrill from things kicking off and I think they need to know that its not what the wider group want

    cartside – you have enough on your hands without getting involved. Having spoken to some people who've been caught up in things its not a misunderstanding but just malice. It'll pass and we'll all be here doing our thing again but its not fun to sit through

    JulieB – sensible words as always my dear

    BECKICKLESIE – exactly, we're not in the school yard any more !

    Peggy – Blushes… !

    Claire – thank you!

    Ella – exactly, I haven't got hours to spend on this, I want to enjoy it!

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