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I don’t want to be a wimp but I need a good cry

I’m all for the British stiff upper lip.

Its worked rather well for centuries and, as a nation, we really aren’t that good at the whole emotional display thing.

That said, I hadn’t realised how much this first week of work was going to take out of me emotionally.

I stiff-upper-lipped it through the weekend, only getting a bit tearful around the edges during odd moment – bedtime cuddles, a realisation that there’d be a lot less curling up with books and digging in the veggie patch (yes, I realise strange things upset me).

I didn’t even get emotional leaving for my first day – too much to think about, too little time to dwell on things and a desire to get on and get it over with.

In fact the key characteristic of the first few days was mostly a feeling of suppressed panic with a slight niggling worry about my abilities to do the job.

But I guess you can only push things to the back of your mind, over write them with other feelings for so long.  Because despite all of this hard work pushing away these feelings, they have caught up with me.

What I really want to do is find a corner and sit and bawl for a bit.  You know, the really undignified but satisfying crying that leaves you blotchy, with swollen eyes and a snotty nose.  The sort of crying that says I feel utterly rotten but it’ll be better after I’ve got it out of my system.

I think I need to find myself a good weepie film or book and a large bar of chocolate and just give into this.  Have that cathartic cry and then pull myself together and get back to keeping it all together.

Roll on the weekend.

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12 comments to I don’t want to be a wimp but I need a good cry

  • vegemitevix

    >Oh I do know what you mean. But it will get easier for you, I'm sure. Change is always difficult, even change that will ultimately be good! I've got 'Marley and Me' you could borrow. I howled like a baby!! ;-p xx

  • London City Mum

    >Dear Mud-der-ling

    Do it. You will feel much, much better for getting it out of your system.

    Just remember to readjust the mascara before facing the troops again.

    LCM x

  • Noble Savage

    >Those big cry-a-thons are so cathartic. Do it and you'll feel so much better. Chocolate is always a help too.

  • Marylin

    >Oh god yes, those big ugly cries are the best for feeling better afterwards aren't they? *hugs* and chocolate. x

  • PhotoPuddle

    >Nothing wrong with a good cry. It'll make you feel so much better.

    Here's a cool blog post I actually read the other day about crying and showing emotions http://divasanddreams.blogspot.com/2010/08/things-i-love-thursday-women-not-afraid.html

  • planb

    >Suggest going up to Mr Muddling, looking a bit wobbly and saying "can I have a cuddle?". That normally does it for me, and then you'll have someone to hand you the tissues, and feed you the chocs after it's all over.

    But I do know how you feel, and you're right, you will feel better once it's out.

    And anyway, so well done you for getting this far!

  • jumblyMummy

    >Gosh, I can't believe that time has rolled around already. Hope the new role is working well. Best of luck over the coming weeks. I know it's hard but you've done it once already so you know you can do it. Look back on the summer with great memories.

  • Michelloui

    >Rubbish to the stiff upper lip (I can say that, Im not British). Did youknow there are something like 6 different types of tears–each with a different chemical make-up in them and we actually NEED to cry to release those chemicals that have built up due to hormone triggers?! So when we're stressed or upset, the urge to cry is a genuine urge that we need to give in to–thats why 'things always feel better after a good cry' because they really do.

    I hate people seeing me cry so I usually run a hot shower and sob and wail to my heart's content. Try it. ((hugs))

  • Cheshire Mum

    >((((BIG HUGS)))
    I know that crying, the sobbing that gives you sad hiccups afterwards, get a big fat glass of wine, stick Beaches or Steel Magnolias on and let them flow honey. xxxxx

  • imperfectpages

    >This is the first time I've read your blog and I'm sure I'll keep reading as this could be me returning to work in a year or two. I really sympathise with all the mixed feelings, even when you've balanced all the pros and cons and know you're making a good decision, it still must be so hard.

  • auntiegwen

    >Yep a good cry, and then sticky toffee pudding and low fat custard helps (the low fat part is streemly important, helps with the guilt you see)

    much love from your auntie xxx

  • […] I have learnt in 2010 By Muddling Along, on December 31st, 2010 That the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but that change isn’t necessarily a bad […]

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