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Are you depriving your marriage of oxygen?

It struck me that looking after your marriage is rather like putting on your oxygen mask first and then helping out other people – you’re no good at all being there doing lots of good if you can’t breathe yourself.

You see the thing is, I see it that Mr Muddling and I decided to be together.

Yes, our girls are incredibly special and wonderful but we chose each other and that is even more special.

Its also important that we work on our marriage so that we have a loving, caring, happy environment in which to bring up the girls.

So when Mr Muddling repeatedly forgets to kiss me hello until a long time after he’s greeted the small people, I worry.

And I start thinking that perhaps I’m getting pushed back rather further down the list of things he cares about than I’m happy with.

And I really start to worry about what happens when you start to neglect your marriage and your chosen life partner.

You see, there’s a part of me that takes his certainty that I’m here and part of the furniture and not in need of nurturing and thinks, hmmmmmmm should you be so complacent?  Do you really think that there isn’t another man out there who might want to whisk me away?  Do you really think that I’m so loyal that I’ll stay given whatever?

And then I wonder if you get to a stage in your life where you stop nurturing your marriage and only nurture your children or if actually the great marriages, those that survive are those where you remember that you wanted to be with each other and that you both wanted to walk together down this path.

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9 comments to Are you depriving your marriage of oxygen?

  • Magic Mummy

    >I know exactly what you mean – you need to work at a marriage and not take it for granted.

    We make sure that we have 'date nights' and try to spend lots of time together although we haven't done too much of that lately – We were planning a night away together but we decided to take the kids as well and have some family time ;-)

    I must try and get something sorted for just the two of us!

  • vegemitevix

    >I can't tell you how much I agree hun. I believe children come into a pre-existing family – the one you and your man have established together. I think it's very important to feed your marriage or you can very easily lose your way! It's not only long marriages that can suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous distractions, but new marriages too. We've just booked a weekend away, our first time away from the kids for over seven months. We really need it. Hugs hun xx

  • Knackered Mother

    >Husband and I had a weekend away for our wedding anniversary and there was soooo much pressure to enjoy time away on our own when actually I think deep down we just both wanted to sleep! Had a night away the following month due to a 'no children' wedding and even though we were in a horrible hotel it was so much fun, no pressure/great expectations to live up to, and we'd caught up on sleep in Venice! x

  • Mwa

    >I completely agree. Well, not with it being a more special relationship than with the kids, but with needing to nurture it. All the time. Lose sight of it for a minute and you're in trouble. That's what I've found anyway.

  • Steve

    >I couldn't agree more and sadly too many relationships do suffer as a result of such behaviour. Luckily I recognised a while back that my wife and I, perhaps quite naturally, were beginning to migrate too much of our 'us time' over to our children. I think the world of my kids and can't wait to hug them and hear about their days, but I always make a point of kissing and hugging Teacher Mum first. I think this is both important for her, me and ultimately good for the children too.

  • Amy

    >i've had a bit of a rough patch with my OH but we had night away last week and have promised to take care of 'us' as much as the children. It is so hard to get the balance right xx

  • Rachael

    >We always kiss hello and goodbye, and the children say 'yuck, snogging'. I adore my children, but to put it in perspective, in 14years' time they'll probably all have left home and K and I will have many more years together as a couple. I think it's vital to remember that, but it's so hard when you're working, and dealing with little ones. I think the fact that you think about the state of your relationship is a good sign for the future. You're in the hardest part now, with really little ones. It does become easier to scrabble back some time for your partner when the children get a bit bigger.

  • Rachael

    >We always kiss hello and goodbye, and the children say 'yuck, snogging'. I adore my children, but to put it in perspective, in 14years' time they'll probably all have left home and K and I will have many more years together as a couple. I think it's vital to remember that, but it's so hard when you're working, and dealing with little ones. I think the fact that you think about the state of your relationship is a good sign for the future. You're in the hardest part now, with really little ones. It does become easier to scrabble back some time for your partner when the children get a bit bigger.

  • marketingtomilk

    >Yes i think a lot, if not the majority of long term relationships fall into this trap. You really do have to work at a relationship. That's where it helps if you didn't just marry through passion. You need a lot of other things glueing you together. Great post, again.

    M2M

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