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>Sometimes all you need to do is talk

>If I had had a pound for every time I’ve been told over the last year that all Mr Muddling and I need to do is talk then I’d probably be a millionaire.

But you see, the trouble with ‘talking’ is that you need both sides to be ready, willing and able to talk.  
Without that there is no chance of it being a meaningful conversation.
Of being a way to bridge across hurt, misunderstanding and distance.
Finally, after what seems likes aeons but is actually only a year, last night Mr Muddling and I finally talked about what we went through last year.
I was able to tell him how hurt I was at his apparent lack of concern, lack of understanding, lack of empathy.
To hear from him how it was a defensive mechanism, how he didn’t want to make me feel worse because it was my body failing to carry our baby, that he felt he needed to carry on in case him stopping made me unable to carry on completely.
I explained how some of the things he had said had echoed around my mind for months, driving us apart and undermining my trust in our marriage.
He explained how grim it was having to watch me suffer, watch me question myself and sink deeper and deeper into despair.
Finally, after months of walking together but a distance apart we have been able to reach out and connect with each other again.
We have finally begun to understand that what each of us did last year was what we needed to do in order to get through it.  
And that we did get through it and that now we need get over it and move on.
And moving on starts with understanding the chasm that had divided us and being able to span it.
So yes, sometimes all you do need to do is talk.  It can just take a long, long time to get to a place where that talk can happen.
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6 comments to >Sometimes all you need to do is talk

  • Mwa

    >I'm so happy for you! Talk is good.

  • London City Mum

    >So hard, I agree, and often 'easier said than done'.
    But BUT. You have crossed the divide and can start to rebuild the trust. Love and caring will follow again, been there, done that. One day you will look back be amazed at what you have achieved, both of you.

    Takes two to tango. Difficulty is getting your dance partner to follow the 'right' steps.

    Hugs & kisses my lovely
    LCM x

    p.s. that much be the most serious comment I have written in ages. Gold star for me I guess?

  • It's a Mummys Life

    >I'm so pleased you managed to talk. It's such an eye-opener isn't it when you actually hear them tell you what they are really feeling. It seems to happen so rarely, but it's such an important thing to hear. I really hope you continue to work it out. xx

  • vegemitevix

    >I absolutely agree it's so hard to talk sometimes, yet once you have done so what an incredible weight lifts from you! The key is finding the right time to talk of course, and often that right time comes out of nowhere, as I expect it did last night. I'm so pleased for you. I know how awful stress and trauma messes with our marriages. Onwards and upwards for us all. xxx

  • drop4three

    >So glad you managed to talk and you're closing that divide.

    Onwards and upwards.

  • marketingtomilk

    >And i'm so happy that you've finally managed it.

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