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>Please stop telling me what to do


Take note, I am utterly sick of people telling me what to do and that my choices are wrong.

The big thing at the moment seems to be that EVERYONE is telling me that we should be content with our two girls and under no circumstances consider a third pregnancy.

I admit, there are very good reasons to stop at two.

We have two beautiful girls, we would have the risk of another horrid pregnancy and not least the certainty that I’d have HG again (mental shudder) and there is the impact that another period of maternity leave would have on my career.

Which naturally we have considered when thinking about whether to have a third baby.  In fact we have thought about this at length because we always thought that we would have three children.

Where we have left it is that I do need a break.  I’ve either been pregnant or breastfeeding or both for three years and yes, I need time off.  Although that’s not all that likely given I’m going to have to continue to breastfeed Babygirl for at least another year.

And yes, we’ve thought about the timing given I’m about to start a new job.

So yes, please feel free to say that you think it might not be a good idea to have another but at least accept that we’ve done some thinking and have decided that if I have still not gone through the menopause at a point when we’re ready to consider having a third then we’ll be doing it.

And I’ll have all my fingers and toes crossed that I have no sickness (yeah right) and that its a much better pregnancy than the last one.

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20 comments to >Please stop telling me what to do

  • Sarah in deepest, darkest Lomellina

    >wow, I think I'd come close to an Etna moment if somebody stuck their big fat nose in and told me to havenot have another baby.

    Even MIL, the most stereotypical Italian mother-in-law on the planet has managed to back off on that one.

  • PantsWithNames

    >I find I don't mind an opinion once, everyone is entitled to one, but after that it is BACK OFF. And it is fantastically irritating when people point out blindingly obvious things. It's not like you didn't know you had a very difficult pregnancy!

    Keep the choice up to you, you'll know if it is right for you.

  • SeaThreePeeO

    >Oh my goodness I can relate to this so much. Myself and my husband have talked through trying for our third child (after a recent scare) we weghed up all the pros and cons and then got incrediably excited about adding another person to our family.

    But quite a few people meet the news as if we'd told them we were considering murdering puppies and kittens for a living.

    The reaction was so negative that it really depressed me and now I no longer feel in the right mindset to try.

    I wish you the greatest of luck in which ever you choose and remember, that choice is yours, not theirs. xxx

  • TheMadHouse

    >Your life your choice – simples

  • RebaMc

    >I know where you're coming from.

    After the twins were born I was talking to MIL about how all through the pregnancy I'd vowed never to do it again but now it's certainly something that we'll think about. And her response was 'what do you want to do that for?'. Not entirely sure what she meant by it, but was hugely insulted!

  • Vonnie

    >I empathise with you – the number of people who seem to think it's OKAY to comment on my reproductive choices makes me so SO angry. You do what suits you and your family, sod everyone else!

  • planb

    >Given I'm still dithering about number 4, I'm in no place to comment about number 3!!

    But you're absolutely right. Why doesn't everyone from the toothfairy to the postman think it's their right to say something crass like:

    "oh, you'll be trying for a boy next time then?"
    "oh, well that's you done then"
    "so, pregnant yet?!"

    That last is my b-i-l. Every time i see him. Mildly amusing the first time. Getting less funny by the second.

  • cartside

    >wow, do people really make such comments? That's like implying you're not a responsible adult. I only ever had one negative reaction when I said I wouldn't mind being pregnant with twins because that would be the only way I would have 3 children (which I'd love to have but I started to late and left too big a gap. Which was my choice and I'm happy with that). The look I got was something like: you must be mad to WISH for twins. And I didn't even wish, just said I wouldn't mind.

    Not sure what the change of jobs got to do with it – it's a career choice and you're entitled to do that anytime you like, what's it got to do with pregnancy? Does it make a difference in which employment you may become pregnant? I don't think so.

  • PhotoPuddle

    >Gah, why is everyone so obsessed with what you are doing with your life. We got "nagged" by people about when we were going to get married and when we did get married it was all "when are you gonna have children?". I thought it would stop but after about 6 months I then started getting "when are you trying for number 2?". I think people mean well but ARGGGRHRHHHH.

    Anyway, if it makes you feel better your post has been a bit of an inspiration to me. I suffered awful nausea and morning sickness throughout my entire pregnancy and it's left a huge cloud over how I feel about doing it all again and how I'd cope with feeling so awful whilst having to look after my daughter as well. But if you are willing to do it again after suffering with HG then…. well I don't know but it's something for me to think about and be inspired by. Sorry I've turned this comment round to be about me!

  • Mwa

    >I don't know why people think they should interfere in that. I had so many people tell me two was enough. "Especially because I already had a boy and a girl." No one else knows what's right for you.

  • Mother Hen

    >I wanted half a dozen of the little babes.
    First baby, I was sick morning,noon and night and lived on iceburg lettuce and cherrios for 6 months. Needless to say boy came out upside down and backwards 6 weeks early. He was fine after a while and a lovely boy. 6'2 age 15 now so maybe the cherrios were the key. Daughter came 18 months later. 2 1/2 weeks late after 3 days in labour. Wouldn't get off the breast for a year and was a tyrant. Smart as a whip now and still stubborn. One boy one girl. One easy one hard. Now we have dogs.
    To each her own and don't let anyone tell you different.

  • JulieB

    >Gah, agree with all the comments here – nothing as annoying as someone asking you or telling you what they think you should do with regards to having children. To me, that has always seemed like too much of an encroachment in my sex life! Er, thanks.

    What is right for you, only you can know. Full stop.

  • Myshka

    >Do what's right for you, and what is YOUR personal perfect. (I'm hoping that we might have 3 someday, but still working on how the *hell* to find 5 minutes to make another one! Ughh….)

  • justherdingcats

    >The more the merrier I say – It's totally your choice obviously – we have just our fourth after a 7 year age gap and its eventful but wonderful.

    lots of our friends were astounded that we were "going back in" to the fray but I think a few were secretly jealous. They are little for such a short time and now our eldest is 15 it has gone in a flash!!

    go for it !!

  • justherdingcats

    >The more the merrier I say – It's totally your choice obviously – we have just our fourth after a 7 year age gap and its eventful but wonderful.

    lots of our friends were astounded that we were "going back in" to the fray but I think a few were secretly jealous. They are little for such a short time and now our eldest is 15 it has gone in a flash!!

    go for it !!

  • Hayley

    >I wrote a post about this the other week. J's dad got in contact after 3 years and everyone had something to say about it. And I mean, EVERYONE! It pisses me right off! Its so hard. Sometimes you just have to bite your tounge xxx

  • Amy

    >I wish you all the best for trying for a third baby, i faced a lot of negative reactions when i got pregnant with my 5th but it didn't matter to me because thats what i wanted to do. It's your life and you enjoy it xxx

  • Rachael @ marathonmummy

    >Catching up after a bit of a manic week.

    Once you go past two children, people think they have the right to comment. I find it insulting and infuriating and lots of other things beginning with i that I can't think of right now because I'm so sleep deprived!

    I had a child every two years. I had four children of eight and under and yes, it was hard (still is, to be truthful) and it costs a lot of money, but I don't regret it one bit. An old lady told me once that you only regret the children you don't have, not the ones you do. I like that idea.

  • 1000reasonsimabadmother

    >Hear hear. 8 months into my first I already want a second, and even a third! It's all i can do not to strangle my mother when she sees me struggle and says snidely "and yet you want to have another!"

    Oh, and lol @Myshka!

  • babybornfreebottles

    >Hi, it's irritating isn't it? I have HG and yet still managed to produce 3 healthy children inside 3years. It's a crippling disease and the early months are very tough, but, with medication, life can go on. I was told I was 'mad' on many an occasion and asked how I was going to cope, been instructed to not have any more for my 'own good' (by family members).
    Only you and your partner can decide what's best for your family. I hope you get what you wish for xxx

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