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Getting my mojo back – checking back in?

 

Oh dear.  The things you say to each other that just sit around gathering dust and causing problems.

Mr sent another seismic shock through the marriage bit of our life Chez Muddling.

To clarify, we’d sort of got ourselves to a place where I was happy that our family life was good.  In fact so good that I was going to put the fact that our marriage was currently rubbish to one side.  I wasn’t going to break up a good family and a relationship with Mr Muddling that had become an ok friendship for the sake of the elusive Hollywood magic.

Having discussed how things stood with Mr Muddling and with him either unwilling or unable to take any action to change things, it seemed sensible to draw a line under it all and just carry on as we were.

So I did.

In fact when Mr announced that he thought our night away from the girls at the end of next month was a good place to start turning things around it just reinforced that for the moment opting out of marriage and just focusing on family was A Good Thing.  For the sake of my sanity, for the sake of my battered emotions and self confidence, for the sake of reducing the number of scrappy fights.

Which naturally led to another scrappy fight where I explained in words of one syllable that I was ‘checked out’ for the moment and not sure I would check back in again.

On the plus side this seems to have given Mr Muddling a bit of a shock, on the negative side it does mean he mentions my ‘checking out’ as if I am the only one to have emotionally distanced myself from our relationship (um sorry Mr you did that months ago… this is only a response to what you have already done).

And yet, he has begun to try.  He has begun to try and show affection, to treat me like a wife rather than a housekeeper/casual friend.  We have begun to talk properly, as we used to, in fact its probably a good thing that there has been a general election because it has given us something to debate and discuss.

So reluctantly, because I don’t want to get hurt any more, and attempt to step closer over the last months has resulted in more hurt, I am going to give it another go.  A final push.  A hopefully attempt to see if we can fix this thing.

What has helped me make this decision is a post Modern Dilemma wrote looking back over her 10 years of marriage.  She talked about a point where it felt like her marriage would never be right but that a final push meant they did fall back in love again.  I so desperately hope we can do the same.  I really do.

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20 comments to Getting my mojo back – checking back in?

  • Alice

    >*hugs*, sending you lots of love and nice thoughts xxxxx

  • vegemitevix

    >Oh lovely friend, all I can think of is to offer hugs.

    Please email me if you need to talk and vent. Not to feel you're 'ganging up' on Mr Muddling but to give you an outlet and support to help give it another go.

    I think you're doing the right thing, and I'd love to be able to help in any way I can. Thinking of you and sending you wine, cake, hugs and even a prayer or two. xx

  • TheMadHouse

    >I dont really know what to say, so just saying I have read and am thinking of you

  • It's a Mummys Life

    >I second Vegemitevix. This sounds very hard and very familiar. It's bloody hard when you go through this kind of thing, relationships are bloody hard work at the best of times, but 2 small children really tips the edge sometimes,

    Here if you want to chat, email, whatever. Lots of virtual hugs xxx

  • Rachael

    >Echoing Vix, if you want to talk, you can email me (rachael@marathonmummy.com) or maybe we ought to get together for that coffee. You're at the worst part of your marriage – anyone who can make it through this toddler and baby stage can make it through anything. I've seen it so many times (and lived through it, too). xxxx

  • London City Mum

    >Know where you are coming from – very VERY hard times, my heart goes out to you.

    Just remember one thing always: if something is important to you, it is worth fighting for. Always.

    Here if you want a no-nonsense compassionate friend to email/talk to.

    Hugs (I think you are wonderful)
    LCM x

  • mummy limited

    >Wishing you lots of luck. I hope that your final push makes the difference you are looking for. Thinking of you, it's a tough time that I hope you'll get through.

  • PantsWithNames

    >So much luck. I really hope that you find a way to push through. Big hugs to you all. xx

  • JulieB

    >Only you and your husband can know and work through what you are going through, but you have so many people here who will listen to and support you. Hugs.

  • Modern Dilemma

    >Hello my lovely, just wanted to say Hi and I'm so glad I've read this post from you. I've been worrying about you & it cheered me no end to hear the Muddlings are having a final push. These are tough times of that there is no doubt, but I am convinced that when one glimpses some sunlight through the clouds there is hope.

    Am here for tea & nattering via the virtual world as & when you need it.

    MD xx

    thecurseofthemoderndilemma [at] gmail [dot] com

  • Modern Dilemma

    >Hello my lovely, just wanted to say Hi and I'm so glad I've read this post from you. I've been worrying about you & it cheered me no end to hear the Muddlings are having a final push. These are tough times of that there is no doubt, but I am convinced that when one glimpses some sunlight through the clouds there is hope.

    Am here for tea & nattering via the virtual world as & when you need it.

    MD xx

    thecurseofthemoderndilemma [at] gmail [dot] com

  • Mother Hen

    >Muddling, the dust does settle and no matter what, try to say just a bit more to each other. It's so worth it, even if the marriage becomes more of a 'friends' marriage then a' lovers' marriage for now, take what you Both can get but choose to take each other. The love can come back. It did for me.
    And don't get depressed and live on snickers bars for three months, you just get thin, bad skin and feel like crap anyway!
    Good luck to you …both.

  • Peabee72

    >Lots of great words of wisdom above and I've nothing really to add other than kudos to you for trying. It's never easy but then again neither is the alternative.

    Good luck with it all, and like everyone else has said, anytime you need to vent, or chat…. xxx

  • zooarchaeologist

    >Gosh, Ive been so wrapped up in myself that I haven't been there to listen about this one. For that I am sorry. This is a really hard stage, we have struggled. The tiredness, stress and pressure don't help.You know how to resolve it, how to try to fix things and your marriage will be all the stronger for it in the long term. Things will calm down, come full circle. Just hold on in there for now, you'll see.
    xxx

  • Crystal Jigsaw

    >I hope you can sort it out too; communication is the most important part of a marriage; so many other aspects obviously important too but if you can't talk to each other then it's going to be a long road ahead.

    Take care,
    CJ xx

  • Metropolitan Mum

    >I am sure going away together as a couple is the right idea. Hang in there, as Zoo said. You are going to get through this!!!
    xx D

  • Mwa

    >I'm hoping the same for you. It's so hard, with a young family. I hope you both find what you liked in each other in the first place. xx

  • Sandy Calico

    >I hope so too. Sending positive vibes your way x

  • Beth

    >I hope everything works for you. Huge hugs! xx

  • Livi

    >sending you lots of luck and positive thoughts. I hope it works out

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