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>When I grow up I want to be…

>Am I alone in this?

You see I don’t feel like a grown up. I may be 34, have two children, a mortgage and a job but inside I don’t feel much different from the me aged 22.

I look in the mirror and I’m surprised to see grey hairs and wrinkles. Sometimes I catch sight of myself in a shop window whilst out with the girls and don’t recognise the mother of two I see there. I have grown up conversations with my husband about pensions, the financial crisis and the children.

And yet it feels like I’m playing at being grown up. That at any moment I could have someone come up and tell me to stop playing at adulthood and to go back to my decadent childfree early twenties life.

And you see I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up because I feel as if I have a long time to go until I become an adult. I think I could still be an astronaut, a ballet dancer, a train driver.

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13 comments to >When I grow up I want to be…

  • vegemitevix

    >Nope. You're not alone. I'm 42 in a month. I'm not a day older than 32 or maybe 35. My skin, hair, energy levels beg to differ. Hubby's 36 so he helps me to forget my chronological age. I'm only as old as the man I feel eh!

  • The Moiderer

    >Although I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I still don't feel I am there so I have plenty of time to work it out. You are definitely not alone. Every now and then I take a moment to look at my life and think "Blimey, I keep a house running and my family fed and clean. How the heck did that happen?"
    I wrote a Blog post for Josie's writing workshop a while back on how the me in the mirror is definitely not the real me!

  • Jen

    >I consider myself to be a 21 year old with lots of experience (won't tell you how many years experience!!). I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up, but being an SAHM will do for now and I will decide later 🙂 I too feel like I play at being a grown up and still giggle sometimes when my children call me 'Mum' 🙂 Jen.

  • Mwa

    >I don't feel like a grown-up either, but I am starting to worry how many fresh starts I can really still have after I have finished popping out sprogs.

  • peabee72

    >I'm the same and it's most obvious whenever I go home to visit my parents. If we pop to the city I wonder around looking to see if I recognise anyone, and usually I don't. It's only recently that I realised this was because I was looking at people in their early twenties!

    I never used to think I'd have a problem with aging, but then of course it happened and I hate it. I'm 38 this year and am already dreading 40….there's still so much I want to do too 🙂


  • Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip

    >You know it's funny. I felt exactly like you described in your post…that is up until I had my kids. And then suddenly I felt like a real adult. Until that very moment, I still felt like a kid pretending to be grown, but suddenly the responsibility of having my own children made me feel old. And then the gray hairs just sprung up all over the place to mock me.

    You are a great writer! I love reading your blog.

  • Modern Dilemma

    >Oh I know what you mean. I think I've moved to the next stage of that where I realise its now too late to do some of the things I dreamed of when I was younger. Of course we can all "Do Anything" and all that jazz, but reality is home, 3 kids, husband, dog etc. Now that was the day I finally felt I'd grown up. I felt very sad that day.

    MD x

  • rosiescribble

    >I'm 36 and I don't feel like I've grown up. I feel about 22 as well. I've reached the stage in life when I'm starting to think about the sort of career I would like long term and where I would like to live, so in many ways I feel about 18, yet I look in the mirror and I'm surprised to see I'm not. I'm not too worried though, I feel as is I am growing up and the possibility of new ventures ahead is an exciting one.

  • 1 husband, 2 kids (and lots of books)

    >When I was pregnant with Son – at 27 – I was genuinely surprised that midwives etc. didn't comment on how young I was to be having a baby… and I haven't aged a day since. So no, you're the only one…

  • JulieB

    >I will always remember a neighbour of ours, who sadly passed away a few years ago at the age of 96. She used to recount how she would sometimes wake up in the morning and catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and wonder who the wizened old lady was. She said she always felt around 24 on the inside. Personally, I'm 36 but still feel 21 – only a lot happier with myself.

  • aendr

    >I'm 4 foot 11 and a half, and 33.

    Several years ago, when I was doing my PhD in Physics I went to a "do" with some of my father's cronies and a old man asked me what I wanted to be "when I grew up". "5 feet tall", I replied, given I was already well on the way to being a research scientist in Physics.

    I don't feel grown up. Nowhere near. Just pretending. Oh and I lost a cm in height last pregnancy, so I doubt I'll make it to 5 feet somehow.

  • Anonymous

    >Genial dispatch and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information.

  • SwindonMum

    >I am totally with you there. I still feel about 17. I just turned 30 and don't feel like a grown up at all. I feel like I'm playing at parenting and eventually someone will realise and tell me what I should be doing.

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