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>Settling for Mr Good Enough is well, good enough?

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This post over at Mumsrock suggests that settling for a partner who is not Mr Right is actually the way to go, that finding a Mr Good Enough may actually work out better.

I know we’d all like the Hollywood fantasy – your eyes meet across the room, you fall in love and its happily ever after.  But that doesn’t happen for the majority of us if we’re being honest.

Yet we don’t go out there dating people who are only just ok rather than that make our hearts race faster.

And we certainly don’t marry them and have children with them.

Or at least I didn’t because I think that a relationship with Mr Not Quite Right probably doesn’t survive the rockiness of learning to live together as a permanent couple and definitely falls apart when faced with the trauma of pregnancy and small children.

I don’t think Mr Not Quite Right would have stuck around me during the last two years.

The fug that is a new baby and the arguments over who gets to sit up and try and settle a small, screaming child.  The dramatic change to the balance of power within your relationship when you realise that neither of you are important, that the small, uncommunicative one is the centre of it all. My horrible pregnancy and having to do nothing, to just lie there and gestate.  And the moments of sheer panic as we dashed to the labour ward again … and again.  And then doing the new baby thing all over again.  But with a more demanding baby.  AND a very demanding toddler.

No, Mr Not Quite Right would have looked at me and realised I was Not Quite Right and got out and away as fast as his Not Quite Right legs could take him.

Sticking around through the nastiness requires a bit of something more, not a Hollywood sheen of magic and fantasy but a foundation built on thinking each other was perfect once to keep things glued together and to keep you on course.  And a desperate hope that this phase will pass and you can get back the moments where your heart beats faster and you feel that warm fuzzy feeling of love.  Rather than the warm fuzzy feeling of baby sick dripping down your back.

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14 comments to >Settling for Mr Good Enough is well, good enough?

  • WADs

    >great post. I couldn't agree more. I think it's important to remember what attracted you to each other in the first place too. Once babies come along and you make it through…you know that you were right for each other. I'm not sure there is a bigger test then having a baby.

    Gorgeous pic by the way 🙂 x

  • Kelly

    >I agree! There is no such thing as Mr Perfect anyways. I'm quite content with my Mr Almost Perfect – we both are aware of each others flaws but can cope with them as the good stuff far outweights the bad =)

  • vegemitevix

    >I wish I could print this out and give it to every young starry-eyed girl who thinks 'he'll do'. I did the Not Quite Right. I tried hard to make it work, through three kids, 16 years of emotional bullying, near bankruptcy, betrayal, and just plain meanness. I did it until the kids were old enough to cope with me reclaiming my life. Then (sometime later after numerous frogs) I met my wonderful Englishman. If I hadn't ditched NQR I wouldn't have met him and that would have been terrible.

  • MumsRock

    >Well let's look at the facts:
    Mr not-quite-good-enough is stood in line with
    mr-very-nearly-good- enough,
    mr great-but-chronic-B.O,
    mr lovely-but-bad-kisser,
    mr can't -possibly-commit-but-generous-to-a-fault,
    mr my-mum-would-marry-you-in-a-shot, and finally…
    mr plays-guitar-and-will-never-grow-up-so-don't-even-think-about-it.
    It's a long queue and of course the fun in getting through it is well worth the hooking up at the end with mr jolly-near-perfect (if he could just find one romantic bone in his body)…… phew x

  • BETTY

    >Wow – I totally agree. Mr. Not Quite So Right wouldn't stick around through the rough times. I've been married for over 18 years (I was a child bride, of course). And I'm certain that if my Man hadn't been Mr. Right he would've hightailed it out of here long, long ago. Probably around that first bump in the road 6 months after we were married!

  • Kim@EnjoyTheRide

    >Totally agree. And not just for the practical side, where's the romance? haha

  • auntiegwen

    >I'm in the don't settle, go for the big love brigade

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    >I was talking to a friend the other day who is having relationship wobbles and she started talking about having a baby and how it strengthens a relationship. I thought she was deluded and told her so. Babies test relationships to the max. You need a good one to see you through in a vaguely sane fashion. x

  • 1 husband, 2 kids (and lots of books)

    >Settling for second best is a sure fire route to unhappiness. Finding the right man, being the best mum you can be etc. etc. are all ways to cut out the niggling 'what if's' at the back of your mind.

  • Mwa

    >I think you are right, but then I also think there may be a problem with semantics here. I think some people (like me) are better off with people who don't immediately set their pants on fire (unreliable bad boys) but should be with steady, lovely, committed men you grow to love deeply and truly. They are "Mr Right" in my opinion, but it just depends how you look at it. I think some people get confused between the two. If you see what I mean.

  • Wildernesschic

    >Children often test any relationship to the max…Mr Not Quite good enough is certainly not worth your effort .. It has to be Mr just right Mr bloody saint and perfect or not bother at all. My husband is my best friend and after twenty years I dont know what I would do without him, but know I would certainly not settle for second best, great post x

  • It's a Mummys Life

    >Yup, you hit the nail on the head. Getting through the first 2 years is quite frankly excrutiating (well for me) and if my husband hadn't been Mr Completely and Utterly Right Now and Forever, theres NO WAY it would have lasted. Good for you for airing a rather contraversial subject x

  • Jen

    >Mr Good Enough will get better given time, and probably turn out to be Mr Right. With the big learning curve I would prefer Mr Good Enough to learn rather than Mr Perfect to fall off his pedestal!! Hmm, I might need to translate that one, even for myself!! Jen.

  • Crystal Jigsaw

    >I met a "absolutely NOT right" and ended up having a child with him. Now, 9 yrs on, I'm with "absolutely Mr Right" and life's great. Nothing's perfect but I have that warm fuzzy feeling and love it.

    CJ xx

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