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>Working Mums Wednesday – not knowing what to do…

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I am having a major wobble about work.

To be clearer – about returning to work full time and all that that means – five days away from my girls, travelling so being away overnight and missing bedtime.

And I’m now not sure I want to do it despite having sent in my papers to work saying I do.  And despite the fact that I’m already doing the odd day back in the office.

Part of me loves being ‘me’ again – weeing without having to give a commentary or have Toddlergirl try to wipe for me … but part of me hates the fact that I think I’m in a good place with both my girls, despite everything that came between Toddlergirl & me, and I think I might be an ok mother and then I’m going to leave them and going to let someone else be with them and miss everything.

And its not helped by the fact that things are not great at Gringotts (spot what I did there with the pseudonym for my employer !) and I don’t see it getting better anytime soon.

I never thought of myself as being a mother, or even a good mother, but I think I might be – I certainly hope I am and yet I’m considering not being there for so much of the time.  I am considering letting myself enjoy being away from them and Babygirl is still so terribly tiny.

Oh … why after all this time is it not easier to combine being a mother and a working woman ?

Photo credit: yes that actually was my desk today…

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10 comments to >Working Mums Wednesday – not knowing what to do…

  • Jen

    >I don't envy you this decision. I intended to return (I also work for a Gringotts) but in the end I couldn't, I felt my son just wouldn't settle in childcare. We later found out that he wouldn't have, for other reasons (autism). I went with my gut and returning just didn't feel right. I don't regret it at all. Good luck with your decision. Hey, you know, if you go back and it isn't what you want you can change your mind? Jen.

  • A Modern Mother

    >I went through the same thing after my second. Said I was coming back. Agonised. WENT BACK. Then instantly regretted it. Eventually ended up leaving, my heart just wan't in it anymore.

  • vegemitevix

    >That is the tidiest desk I think I've ever seen! At my last job (first in UK) I explained I was having difficulties combining commuting and 'being there' to integrate my family into England. I arrived and then went straight to work leaving all three kids to fend for themselves. The response from my female director? 'Haven't you got a nanny yet'. Funny, I wasn't happy with that.

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    >I think you should go with your gut instinct. You never know, you may find that by the time you want to go back to work, the economy has picked up again and you are in huge demand.

    It isn't an easy decision though, and once you are out it is easy to lose confidence about your abilities. Good luck with it.

  • Emily O

    >It must be very difficult for you, I'd hate to make the decision. I guess maybe you return like you say you've had and if it really isn't suiting you you can make other arrangements. Is it something you can do part-time? I think it's easier to negotiate part-time work with a current employer rather than apply for part-time / job share roles. I tried looking for one once and there was barely anything about. Now with three, the childcare costs would be huge and not worth me working. We really struggle on one salary though it's a constant worry. Like you say, no easy answers!

  • scribblingmum

    >It's so tricky, I know exactly how you feel. I never feel like I do anything particularly well, all a little half-arsed as I don't have time to it well. And for me, I did find it harder after having the second child, less confidence. But I think you do reach a balance so keep your head high you'll be doing a much better job than it feels:)

  • Mwa

    >Tough one. Sounds like you want to both. Part-time a possibility? These decisions are just heart-wrenching.

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >I'm not sure part time is a possibility but need to think through how it might work – 4 days would give me just a bit more time but could i do that through working at home

    The whole thing is giving me a headache … I wish it was easier to find the balance

  • Michelle

    >After my first I dreaded going back and worried so much. I ended up giving up my career job, taking a £40K pay drop and moving to 2.5 days per week in a nice easy role where I can forget it when I go home at night. After the twins I then dreaded going back again but I did and I do 2.5 days a week I have built my career up with them but because I work for the public sector they do not expect blood from me and I have the perfect balance for me. We choose to go without exotic holidays etc and new clothes every week to balance being a Mummy and loving just being me at work too. I hope you can find a great solution for you too. Mich x

  • Amy

    >it is so hard, i have thought about working in the day but i felt so worried that i would lose touch with my girls. They change so quickly when they're young and i'd hate to do something and be corrected by my hubby because he would know better than me.

    Thats why i work at night, it is exausting but i get the best of both worlds this way.

    I hope you find your balane xx xxxxx

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