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>Getting my mojo back – one year and counting

>

Well I guess the progress report on where I am with this can be easily split into three and so I give you …

The Good
I have lost a couple of kilos since the start of the year – not much but a little and given the fact I’m still breastfeeding and wanting to eat anything that isn’t nailed down and well I find it hard to lose any weight until I stop feeding but I’m at least out of maternity jeans now and out of the size 14s.

For me those size 14s were the sign that I really needed to do something.

So I’m trying to eat better, I’m trying to exercise a bit more and I’m trying to dress to flatter flabby tummies and ENORMOUS breastfeeding boobs (anyone got any tips for this ?)

The Bad
I still have to have another appointment with the lady and the laptop… and she asked that I didn’t get pregnant or get a cold.

I managed one of these (check the next one to guess which !)

And yes, I’m back to having a nice relationship with my Tena lady pants (can you believe they actually turned me down to product test ?  I mean given all the money I’m spending on their product ?)

And The Ugly
It is one year today since I last had sex.

I think I could be reaching a point where I’d really like to apart from the pressure that not having had sex for this long puts on any attempt to get intimate

Yes you lovely people who think that getting back to having sex is no more than a pair of sexy pants … try not having done anything for ages and realise what that does to your self esteem and that its a little bit more than just putting on nice undies.

For heavens sake I have nice undies, I even have nice sexy breastfeeding undies.

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11 comments to >Getting my mojo back – one year and counting

  • scribblingmum

    >It's more than undies for sure. I think the longer it is the harder it is (pun not intended). The barrier feels too big to ever overcome but you will overcome it. Of course its different for everyone but I guess it's about finding what could get you taking little steps to feeling good enough about yourself that you're ready to give it a go. Once you do it once, they'll be no stopping you and you'll soon be at it every few months like the rest of us…. x

  • Emily O

    >Well done on the weight loss, a good milestone to be out of maternity jeans. I'm so with you on the ovesized breastfeeding boob look. I have exactly the same problem. I'm not used to being endowed in that area other than when breastfeeding, so I really don't know what clothes look best. No tips I'm afraid! I can understand it must be hard getting back into a sex life when it's been so long, I don't really have any good tips other than hopefully affection between the two of you will become something more. I thought I was doing well with my post-baby weight loss until the woman on the checkout in Homebase today asked me if I was expecting. So I pointed out the 5 week old baby in the pushchair in front of her…

  • Domestic Goddesque

    >You can only focus on so many things at once- the weight loss and other things seem to be going well, so the sex falls to the wayside. As scribblingmum said, it's harder, the longer you leave it. I took the decision last time (much like my virginity I might add- TMI!) to 'get it over with' and jumped DH at six weeks post birth then didn't attempt it again until I was done feeding. There's something about milky breasts that really make me feel it would be inappropriate somehow….

    I very much doubt that's any help, but wanted you to know that I read what you write, even if I have nothing to say…

  • 1 husband, 2 kids (and lots of books)

    >When I had Son a well meaning midwife instructed me not to have sex for a few weeks – apparently she'd had a bad experience with a couple getting straight back in the saddle… on the hospital ward!! When I had Daughter she was about to repeat her story.. until I butted in and told her it was still a mystery how I'd managed to have Daughter 3 1/2 yrs after Son and the chances of any action ever again were pretty much zero. Seriously though, the pressure does increase with time. I left it too long and it just got worse and worse. I suppose my only tip is to just grit your teeth and try and get the first time over with… and while you're summoning up the courage make sure the affection carries on – that's a long way towards ensuring you'll have a sex life to go back to when the time is right.

  • Mwa

    >I think you should concentrate on yourself first, and find in yourself the desire to have sex. I'm not much of a gritting my teeth girl. It might be worth discussing this with your GP, too.

  • Sandy Calico

    >LOL at Scribbling Mum's comment!
    Not laughing at all at Emily's x
    I agree with Mwa, and I would add slowly does it. It's already been a year so there's no urgency (unless it's urgent for you). I would just take small steps, starting with romantic evenings with hubby. Andy & I have date nights, basically to remind us to spend time together. In our anniversary card he wrote that we should remember why we got together.
    When I had leaky football sized boobs I wore tops fitted under the boobs that skimmed the tummy and pretty cardigans! Good luck x

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >Thank you all for your lovely comments

    I am hoping that getting through the one year thing will make it easier – at least that threshold is now passed and we can move on from there

    Baby steps is likely to be the way I go – feel better about myself and then hopefully feel better about us and then hopefully it'll all come together

  • Notes to self plus two and the need for red shoes

    >Hey there,
    Congrats on making it out of the size 14s (I just made it into them lol).

    I absolutely agree with the comment above, focus on yourself first and also small steps.

    I do hope your husband is wonderfully supportive?

    xx

  • Gail

    >Oh lord, one whole year???? Did you ever have long gaps before? Have only just read your blog for the first time today, and it does feel slightly odd to know this about you already, but really think you should just bite the bullet and get back in the saddle. You can't be married/together and not having sex, it's not right. Sex is a nice thing to do, and even if it has all built up into a huge deal in your head, it actually just boils down to fairly rudimentary movements (!) so you can do it, and then do it again a day later, and it will surely start to get easier.

  • Corylus

    >Gail I'm not sure that level of incredulity is quite so helpful, especially when someone has bared their soul. As it happens there are reasons for it in this case – medical advice to save a baby's life – but even if there hadn't been, it just happens for some people. Sex is important in marriage but it's not the be all and end all and saying that you can't be married without sex piles the pressure on more.

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