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>Can Mummy get her mojo back ?

>I have just realised in the two and half years since today I can count the number of times I’ve had sex on my fingers and toes (and not use all of them …).

There are slightly extenuating circumstances, two and a half years ago today we conceived Toddlergirl and then the story encompasses two pregnancies with two lots of HG (see this post for how much fun that was …), two lots of threatened miscarriages / early deliveries so being told to abstain and two lots of the newborn haze which isn’t exactly conducive to much of a sex life. Oh and the small matter of a pelvic floor that took a long while to recover from the trauma of a precipitate delivery.
But I find myself wondering if there is a way that I will ever get my groove back?
Is it possible to have fun sex like you used to before you had the baby after you’ve had the babies?
More importantly after a LONG LONG LONG time of enforced abstinence (counting it up, I’ve been on forced abstinence for 10 months out of the last two and a half years) how on earth to do you go about rekindling the romance?
So how do you go about getting your mojo back?
How do you start to want sex more than an hour on our own with the door locked, noise cancelling headphones on and all small children elsewhere?
How do you reconcile feeling sexy enough to actually have sex whilst still not exactly liking your post pregnancy body (especially since my enforced bedrest and calorie transfer for Babygirl has meant that I’m in fairly poor and WAY bigger than I should have got).
Oh and add into the mix breastfeeding which does mean you’re already sharing your body with one small person and that you’re a little touched out from having a velcro baby.
So I’m giving myself a challenge – I’m going to do one thing a week to get my mojo back and let you know how it goes and we’ll see. This isn’t just about sex – this is also about getting myself to somewhere where hopefully the Mummy-Me and the Pre-Mummy-Me find a way to co-exist and for me to like the Mummy-Me a little bit more
I’d love any suggestions for what to try and please feel free to join me – my first thing is going to be to buy some non maternity jeans that actually fit, there’s something horribly dispiriting about having to continually hoick up your trousers and not having clothes that fit properly. I’ve negotiated with Mr Muddling to have £100 to spend on an early Christmas present of a couple of outfits
p.s. I’m hosting the Best of the British Mummy Bloggers Carnival on 8th December – see here for more details
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12 comments to >Can Mummy get her mojo back ?

  • Hearth-mother

    >Thoroughly endorse the jeans idea. A few months ago I spent a shocking amount of money on a decent pair of jeans, but they have made all the difference to my confidence and the way I look. I never realised the importance of clothes when I had a body that looked alright!

  • worldofamummy

    >oh I know how you feel. Hubby has actually given up now I think. The problem for me is that after a whole day with two children who need a lot of physical contact and affection I feel 'affectioned out' and tbh in the evening what I want is a few minutes of me time not having to touch and cuddle another person.

    I think we probably need to grit our teeth and get on with it (that makes our OH's sound terrible doesn't it!) as its probably like drinking alcohol – if you go without for a while you dont want it anymore, once you start up you get the taste again.

    Good luck – and if you find a way to make it work let me know!

  • Mwa

    >I think you're going the right way about it. Liking yourself better will do wonders. And after that, you kind of have to trust him to still like you now you have the scars of bearing his children, and simply make the time and set the mood. Working at it a few times is allowed, too.

    I hope you find your mojo when you're ready to have it find you. x

  • Mama B

    >I'm so glad you posted this. It's almost three years since we conceived T and although my pregnancies were plain sailing compared to yours there's certainly been a significant dent in my mojo! I think sex after children (or rather, not having sex after children) is one of the great elephants in the room, it affects so many people but no-one talks about it.

    I don't know what the solution is, but your new clothes idea, and feeling better about yourself, has got to help. If you find any magic slimming flattering and comfy jeans please post for the rest of us!

  • Emily O

    >I think this is a very common experience and it's so hard to feel sexy after recently having a couple of children. Plus the tiredness at the end of the day doesn't help. And you can't be impromptu with things when little ones are around. I think it's good to do a few things which make you feel better about yourself first (I've asked for money for Christmas to buy lots of new clothes in the New Year) and then hopefully you'll start to feel more confident and sexy again. I think it takes a while after each child to get there but as long as you make a conscious effort to (slowly) do it you can achieve it.

  • Amy

    >I find that once you are back in the saddle (pardon the description) it is easier to find and make time for a bit of loving.

    I love feeling close with my hubby and even though i am so tired at the end of the day after looking after 4children and being pregnant, it always helps me to get in the mood when he tells me how gorgeous i look etc. Even though i think he is blind lol!

    Good luck with finding your mojo and may i suggest just getting naked under the covers with your hubby and seeing where that leads 😉 i always find that helpful when i'm lacking a bit of drive xxxx

  • Diney

    >Best idea in the world is to feel attractive and good about yourself to get back your mojo so buying a pair of jeans that fit where they sit and look sexy will make you feel just that! Good luck!

  • Anonymous

    >Set an alarm for 30 mins before the earliest child may waken(remember alarm clocks? You used to use them before you had kids to gently waken you from your slumber?) Sleepy morning is a good time to get things started as you aren't quite awake yet and hopefully feel like you, and not yet like Mum.

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >Thanks all – how about we make this a challenge and you join me, first we make ourselves feel good and then we hope that the rest of it comes together

  • Karin @ Cafe Bebe

    >Hiya…
    I find a lot in common with you on this one! And I've only had 1 baby. I think a lot of it is down to not feeling sexy even though my hubby tells me he still thinks I am. I also feel like someone flipped a switch when I delivered my daughter and now I am MUMMY and not ME!
    Jeans…highly recommend.
    Maybe some good lingerie…just a matching bra & pants set or failing that, minorly sexy maternity bras…they are out there.
    Good luck! 😉 Great to meet you today!
    🙂 Karin at Cafe Bebe

  • Metropolitan Mum

    >We have to meet without the kids and discuss this in more depths!! 🙂 I don't know how other people do it. Little L is a great sleeper, but so am I. Once I hit the pillows, all I want to do is sleep. I stopped breastfeeding about a week ago. It's only now that I feel a bit more up to things than during the past months.

    PS: Great to have met you today. You look great and your baby daughter is absolutely gorgeous.

  • janine Clements

    >Sounds like there's a few of us experiencing the same thing. I definitely think the less you have it, the less you want it.

    I think it's easy for both parents to get into a rut and put all your focus and energies into your children. It's also easy to forget why you first fell in love in the first place.

    One idea is for just the two of you to go out, have a nice meal somewhere, wine etc and dress up too. It's so important to feel good about yourself (easier said than done).

    Good luck and if you find out the secret to balancing a love life with life as a parent, let me know 🙂

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