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>Where is the light at the end of the tunnel ?

>Six weeks into having Babygirl in our lives and by most reckonings we should be starting to emerge from the fug of the newborn daze.

Except we aren’t.
I distinctly remember being told with Toddlergirl (and experiencing) that the first three weeks would be mega tough, the second three weeks really tough but that after that it would get better.
It may be that we have hit the six week growth spurt and I’m doing too much so its taking a LONG time to pass.
That said, she is horribly, horribly windy and uncomfortable after feeds. She sicks up a LOT (being woken up by having her sick up in my hair is the most regular start to my day …) and she feeds a LOT – every couple of hours during the day, a feeding frenzy in the evening and then, if we’re lucky a break around midnight.
She is very very clingy – I’m not sure if this is my fault, because she was feeding hourly for the first couple of days we co-slept and slinged a lot (how else am I supposed to do anything?) but she does like to be held so now are definitely co-sleeping and slinging.
Actually if I think about it, I’m ok with where we are. Babygirl is obviously making up for her challenges in utero and, if you look at her, is obviously thriving. What I am not ok with is the incessant questions about how long she is going between feeds, how long she is sleeping and if she is ‘good’ (which for someone who basically just eats, poos, wees and sleeps is a challenge to answer – she’s not exactly plotting the Great Train Robbery in her spare time …)
So please don’t comment if you want to tell me she should be left to cry for a bit to ‘get used to not having you around’ (yup great for the return to work guilt, that one …), and any comments involving rod and own back will be deleted
And this isn’t a whinge, its more trying to rationalise that I know instinctively that we are going about this the right way, I’d just like a bit of support in our choices (oh and Toddlergirl to sleep – three hours awake in the middle of last night nearly broke us)
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12 comments to >Where is the light at the end of the tunnel ?

  • notSupermum

    >This is your second baby. It's different now, you also have a toddler to care for and now a new baby. Just take it at your own pace, take no notice of people who mean well but tell you what you should be doing right now. It's not a competition. Take care, I'm sure you're doing a great job. x

  • Emily O

    >Definitely go with your instinct and ignore what others say. The 'newborn haze' lasts a different length of time with each one I think. Taking things day by day helps. People say strange things. I was breastfeeding my second very regularly because that's what he seemed to want. My Mum kept calling him a 'greedy baby'. What?! Unhelpful really. Do what you think is best and I'm sure you're doing a great job x

  • Emily O

    >Didn't mean to repeat notSupermum's last sentence there! I mean it though, mother's instinct is best.

  • BNM

    >My second (Car) was a complete change to my first (Bel).
    Bel seemed so calm, so contented and slept well on the other hand Car was like a leech. She had to be held all the time but only by me. She'd feed then be sick nearly everytime.
    She is now a wonderful nearly 2 year old and I did survive the newborn nuisance that she was.
    You do what you think is right.

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    >Sounds like you are doing pretty well to me. Second children (especially with a youngish first already present) can be very challenging. You'll get there. Don't know where you got the idea that it gets better after 3 weeks though – personally I found that it wasn't until 12 weeks that I started to feel I was turning a corner. Also, people kept telling me that with babies this close together it was much more difficult for the first year, and then much easier after that, which led to me walking the park and muttering things like '6 weeks down, 46 to go'. But you already know that you will manage, because you just do, and that things will get better, because they just do but in their own time and that it is all a phase. It won't be long before you are looking back at the new born stage and wondering where it went.

    As for everyone else – sod 'em. Trust your own instincts and tell those that feel a need to give unwanted advice that until they walk in your shoes, they don't actually know what is happening, so how could they possibly be in a position to give advice on anything unless you specifically ask them for it.

    You are doing brilliantly. x x x

  • Hearth-mother

    >My health visitor kept asking how long between feeds for number two and I couldn't answer her because there was, er, no time at all between feeds, and no pattern either. Now at 18 weeks he has just settled down. No rods for backs here.

  • clairelancaster

    >I feel your pain twitter-buddy, sharing that boat! Toddler Lil' H has just returned to sleeping by introducing the sleep fairy & her chocolate coin incentive programme (will have to wean him of choc for breakfast in a later battle!) Baby G is six weeks old & on the infacol at start of feed, gripe water at end double whammy to try to bring up the wind, she's very difficult to wind too. Colic hits out house around 4:30pm and lasts til around 10pm. Have got the baby books back out & am trying different things but can't help other than to say you're not alone and it is really, really hard – way, way harder than first time & the newborn fug is getting denser not lighter here! (((HUGS))) Cx

  • Mwa

    >I found my second newborn far more of a struggle than my first as well. And then suddenly one day, we managed. This day will come, and soon, I'm guessing. Hold on! x

  • solveig

    >I fed both my babies constantly, my first in particular spent about 6 months attached to my breast! And they both ended up in my bed all the time – my second still does now if he wakes and I can't get him back to sleep.

    I used to get so stressed about routines and gaps between feeds but the best days were those when I ignored the 'rules' and did whatever the baby needed.

    It's hard when you have an older one to look after too – I still remember one of the first times I was left alone with the 2 of them and found I just couldn't actually cope. But it got easier and easier and started to fall into place.

    You will get there! S x

  • siobhan

    >As I was reading this post, it all sounded very familiar. I was going to write a comment along the lines of just go with the flow and try not to worry too much about times and schedules and lengths of feeds, and how it would all settle down eventually but then I realised you already know that. My second was breastfeed whenever she whimpered and always ended up in our bed (often never saw her own bed and still doesn't), she napped on the go. I don't regret for a minte doing things this way, in fact it has made life a hundred times easier.

  • cartside

    >My girl was like that. We had occasional weeks where she wouldn't feed every 2 hours, but they were the exception. She wanted held all the time, would not accept pram at all. We tried leaving her to cry. She didn't stop, it truly didn't work. Some babies need to be held, carried, fed a lot. It's tough, but it'll pass! And in our case, she's now the most delightful 2 year old imaginable, so I know we made the right decisions what with sling, cosleeping, two hourly feeds until 6 months.

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >Oh guys thank you so much for all of your kind comments – Its so great to know that I'm not alone, that we are doing the right thing and that it does pass without turning your child into a monster !

    I don't know what I'd do without you all, I really don't

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