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>Contemplation in the quiet of the night


I find that there’s something special about time taken to sit and think in the quiet of the night – that somehow its more conducive to proper contemplation than the daytime and that my thoughts can be properly straightened out in a way that they cannot when the rest of the world is awake.

I’m staying at my parents for a few days whilst Mr Muddling is away in Hong Kong and very much enjoying being pampered and being in the heart of my family.

More importantly I’ve also been able to talk frankly to my mother about what is going on with Baby2.  I had a sister who died shortly after she was born, when I was 16 months old.  This has always been a mostly closed topic – something we knew had happened but not something about which we knew the specifics.  Today we’ve had a chance to talk about her and about my parents’ experiences.

What has resonated with me is that it is the unknown that is making this hard now – once we know what is going on, once we have decisions to make, reality to face it will be easier in some ways.  Yes, there may be some horrid moments coming along but that we will rise to the challenge – that I come from a long line of determined women who have faced and overcome bad things.  That there is a degree of strength in us that is waiting for these occasions to rise to the surface.

A large part of me does still want to bury my head in the sand and hope this all goes away, but its now joined by the tip of what I hope is that stronger element in wanting to see what the challenge is so that I can take it on.

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