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>I don’t want to sound ungrateful but …

>… I really am not enjoying this pregnancy lark.

Baby2 is a much wanted, much planned baby but oh my goodness has this pregnancy not been a lot of fun. I don’t want to not be pregnant, I don’t even want this pregnancy to end sooner than it should (in fact I’m desperate to give birth at 40 weeks – ideally a little after, I really don’t want to clash with my sister’s wedding), but I would prefer it if it could become a little more normal.

Since the weekend I’ve been submerged in an even deeper pit of misery than the one I was trying to crawl out of last week – I’m not sure if its because whilst the tests at the hospital showed I was having contractions (hurrah, 6 out of 10 on the contraction score sheet ! Told you they hurt !) the are you in labour test came back negative (which should be reassuring but instead means I’m beginning to mistrust my body) or if its because the continual stresses and strains of wondering what is going on has finally taken its toll.

The end result is I’ve had a funny few days and haven’t been able to move myself out of a lethargic pit of nothingness – I can barely make a decision about what to have for breakfast, let alone plan towards an evening meal.
I guess I’m also coming up against the inevitable feelings of isolation – it feels as if I’m excluded from all my usual social networks. Work because I can’t be there in person and am in this halfway life of working from home / bed, my Mummy friends because I don’t have Toddlergirl to take along and this pregnancy puts me in a different place from where they are, my older friends because the whole children thing puts me in a different place (and the not working in a REALLY different place) and then there’s the fact that if I do more than a really teeny amount of anything the contractions restart and I’m back in bed, lying on my side trying to persuade my body not to get carried away. I guess I’m also lousy company at the moment which doesn’t help with trying to find someone to share with.

Anyway, I’m off to the doctors tomorrow to ask to be signed off – I don’t want to, it seems wimpish and feeble and as if I’m letting the side down but I can’t go on as things are at the moment. This attempt to compromise isn’t working and I’m letting everyone down. Hopefully a clean break will mean I can focus on how to make the most of the next few months, keep cooking Baby2 and enjoy time with Toddlergirl AND watch an inordinate amount of TV and read trashy novels !
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4 comments to >I don’t want to sound ungrateful but …

  • SandyCalico

    >You know you need to do what's best for you and the baby. That's more important than any job (in my opinion). Sending you positive 'get to 40 weeks' vibes 🙂

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    >Hi – I can't find anywhere to email you so I'll leave a comment here instead.

    Are you London based (don't know why I think you are?). If you are, my oldest friend is 27 weeks pregnant and having similar problems to you. If you like I could put you in touch?

    Anyhow, hang on in there, get signed off work and get reading!

  • Muddling Along Mummy

    >Hi BiB /FM – I'd love to get in touch with her – I think I've managed to email you (have now put my email address up as well)

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    >MAM – I didn't receive a mail but will track down yours and send one to you now. LOVE the jumper by the way, it looks incredible! x

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