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The rollercoaster ride

My life seems to increasingly resemble a rollercoaster, one that I have little control over and yet cannot jump off when it comes to a halt.

Easter was a high – a wonderful opportunity for some time with B and I started thinking I was feeling a bit better and then woomph a quick flip and a downwards spiral started.

I ran out of my anti-sickness pills, which are keeping my hyperemesis just about under control, and began a slow slide over the weekend into dehydration and misery. I cannot find words to explain what this constant feeling of sickness is doing to me. I cannot find a way to explain how it feels to feel constantly nauseated, to dread eating, to dread drinking even more and to see no end in sight.

I feel that I have had all my life sucked out by this HG monster – I find it hard to enjoy B, hard to drag myself to work or even get up the enthusiasm to do more than pace through my life like a zombie. I suspect that people think I’m wallowing, that I’m pregnant not ill and yet I can barely scrape up enthusiasm to worry about this. In an ideal scenario I would head to my bed, bury myself under my duvet and wait for this to pass. I daydream about being able to do this.

And yet the rollercoaster continues, I found a few extra pills in the bottom of my handbag and suddenly I’m feeling a touch more human, able to make myself eat something and to countenance calling around to find someone who can prescribe me another few weeks of pills whilst I count down to be able to enjoy my pregnancy – we’re supposed to bloom during the 2nd trimester. Blooming? For me its just blooming awful.

If you are interested in reading more about hyperemesis www.hyperemesis.org has some great information – especially on how to deal with someone you know who is suffering through it.

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6 comments to The rollercoaster ride

  • cartside

    >Sounds awful. Really hope you can get a prescrition and not have to go down the rollercoaster again.

  • Perfectly Happy Mum

    >actually my sister suffered from this during both her pregnancies and I didn't know it had a name.
    She is in France and I remember that during her first pregnancy she suffered so badly that she had to spend 3 days in hospital because of this.
    That's a terrible way to feel.
    I know you are further in the pregnancy now, but I hope you feel better. Not too long to go anyway 🙂 Good luck! x
    PS and thanks again for the suggestion for a mother'secrets

  • allgrownup

    >One of my currently pregnant friends had/has this, so severely at 1st that at her 1st scan they admitted her there and then (being told she would have ended up in a & e within days with dehydration). In that 1st week of a month in hospital, she lost 5lbs! She's doing well on medication now , back at home with her 3yr old.

  • kg

    >Hello 🙂

    I recently discovered your blog and I like it! You just linked to this older post…I can identify with so much of what you've shared. We have one little boy and I suffered with hyperemesis. I was off work for the duration of my pregnancy. I was hospitalised 8 times, for weeks at a time, getting all manner of drips, blood tests, anti-emetics. I would have been in the hosptial more except for the fact my hubby is a Doctor and he set up drips at home frequently during my first trimester. Nothing worked very well. Eventually they gave me steriods in my 19th week. It helped somewhat, although I still required hospitalisation thereafter for re-hydration etc. I was aslo given Zofran, although the GP hated prescribing it as it cost the surgery a lot per tab. ( They usually prescribe it for oncology patients, such was the severity of my sickness). I remember so vividly still puking during my last week, and when my labour started. So much for 12 or so weeks of 'morning sickness'! It was such a hard, lonely, bleak time, the most lonely I have ever felt actually. I lost 21-28lbs in total and was actually lighter at full-term than I had been pre-pregnancy, crazy! But, we had an amazing wee boy. So, so worth it! I went through some counselling this year to help me discuss the trauma of the HG. It truly brought some release to the loneliness and fear I had about being sick. We're now trying for baby number 2…and we have true hope for a better pregnancy. Thanks for sharing your story 🙂

    kx

  • […] pregnancy with Littler was fairly grim. I had hyperemesis to begin with and then had a couple of ok weeks before Littler started trying to arrive. From 19 […]

  • […] also wrote this post whilst pregnant with Littler and struggling with HG Pregnancy   HG, Hyperemesis, pregnancy      Enough with this plague […]

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