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Do the ‘Mummy wars’ really exist?

It seems as if every month you can read articles splattered over the press identifying one group or another of parents that are at loggerheads

Ignoring the fact that the ONLY split in parenting is between those who got a good night’s sleep last night and those who didn’t (for whatever reason and for the record today I’m in the didn’t camp) are parents really so easily dumped into two camps fundamentally opposed to each other on every single possible choice that we have?

Take bottle feeding and breast feeding as one example.  I know parents who have fed their babies in every variation along the spectrum for a variety of reasons and in every single case those choices were made by that family trying to make the optimum choice for them in their circumstances at that time

I’ve heard talk of militant parties on both ends of the spectrum but I’ve not actually encountered them – I’ve never heard another mother trying to pressure anyone to conform to their set of choices, I’ve never heard anyone judging anyone else – all I’ve heard is a bunch of support, understanding that no matter what your choice is that parenting it tough

Ditto birth choices, TV or unplugged families, BLW and purees

In every single case I know people who have made wildly different choices but nobody seems to be actually manning any barricades in defence of them

Could it be that these ‘Mummy wars’ aren’t actually happening and are just a construct of the media to try and drum up a bit of controversy and attention?

If you stand out on the street telling someone that Mrs X over there with a diametrically opposed set of choices has judged her and found her wanting then obviously their reaction is going to be emotional, visceral and not entirely complimentary about Mrs X and her choices

If you manufacture a TV show where you brief the participants before that Mrs Y over there thinks that all children must be breastfed and it should be made law and anyone who hasn’t is a lazy cow then the reaction when they start discussing the ‘right’ age to breastfeed to is going to be a little emotionally charged

But think about it – if those discussions happened in the queue in the supermarket it wouldn’t be about how there is a right or a wrong to any of these choices but more about how are you doing?  Are you ok?  Have you any ideas how to stop them doing this or that?

Except that doesn’t really make for great TV or newspapers or blog posts

Let’s all just ignore these silly stories about manufactured wars and focus on doing the best we can for our families and supporting each other along our journeys irrespective of what path we are going along

We’re all actually doing this already, we just need to make sure our voices drown out the silliness



To D or not to D


Strangely, because I have seen the MRI and I have seen what is going on under Littlest’s skin, there’s still a teeny tiny part of me that thinks that next time we see a medic of some form they will turn around and ask why we are making all the fuss about something that […]




I’ve had a strange start to my relationship with Saying Goodbye – they emailed me days after I had lost another of our babies and hit a very raw nerve.  I emailed them back to explain just why their message had been so upsetting and got a beautiful, compassionate, understanding apology back – it turns […]

So why start blogging again?


6 and a half years ago I started writing this blog – I was alone, I’d just gone back to work after a short maternity leave and had left behind my mummy-life-me and tried to go back to my work-life-me

It wasn’t a smooth transition – I wasn’t the exactly the same person I […]

More than just skin deep


Sometime last year N mentioned that he thought that we were being walked up a curve by the various medical people involved in Littlest’s care and that they were rationing the bad news so we didn’t get it all at once – that they would just gently lead us to a place in small […]

Snippets from an offline summer

summer 2015


Blink and suddenly we have shifted from July to September – from the possibilities of a long summer to the frantic sorting of back to school

I’ve been offline more over the summer – taking advantage of some unpaid time off work to focus on family and to step away from as much as […]

Opening Pandora’s box


Tomorrow is a strange day – tomorrow Littlest is going into hospital to have his first MRI

Part of me is desperate for us to have this scan and to find out exactly what is going on under the skin – to get a better idea of what is going on, to perhaps have […]

Littlest at 18 months


It is really strange how it feels both that Littlest has been here forever and as if the last 18 months have disappeared in a flash but here we are a year and a half on from his arrival

Over the last few months he has suddenly grown up and become a little boy […]

All change


I’m not good with change and really not very good with not having everything sorted out around me and settled – at the moment I’m stuck in a vortex of change and it makes me feel on edge

EVERYTHING is changing

I’ve started a 6 month secondment at work – a new team which […]

So much going on


There’s so much going on here – I need more hours, more time, less to do and despite all my best intentions, writing is still very much a stop / start thing around here

I really just need more time – work is crazy busy again which is good but does mean I feel […]

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